The Science of Discworld IV

immediately, so did the noise.
    ‘Ladies and gentlemen, I ask the wizards of Unseen University to defend their ownership of the Round World, although it appears to me that
stewardship
might be a better and more appropriate term. It also occurs to me that I haven’t even
seen
this curious thing. It is apparently reasonably small, so I will have it on my podium right now, so we can all visualise what is at the centre of today’s little escapade. It will be brought to me
at once
.’
    Ponder Stibbons was dispatched in haste to the university and returned, breathless, carrying the padded baize bag. Against a background of laughter, giggles and outright tittering, he gently put the contents of the bag on a tripod in front of the Patrician, who himself seemed somewhat amused by what had been placed before him.
    There was a twinkle in his eye as he said, ‘Excuse me if I seek for clarity, gentlemen, but could this indeed be a living world with a population of millions? Over to
you
, Archchancellor. I must say I am all agog!’
    ‘In fact, your Lordship, I will delegate this job firstly to Ponder Stibbons, head of the Inadvisably Applied Magical facility. What he does not know about quantum – yes, I am afraid we
must
use the term, my Lord – just isn’t worth knowing. Mister Stibbons—?’
    Ponder cleared his throat. ‘My Lord, Roundworld came into being several years ago when we were experimenting with raw firmament. The Dean experimentally put his hand in the container and wiggled it about …’
    Ponder’s voice faded as he saw Lord Vetinari’s expression. The Patrician was writing notes on his papers on the desk in front of him, and now he looked up, blinked, and said out loud, ‘Wiggled it about? May I ask whether he intends to wiggle anything today?’ A titter ran around the room as Lord Vetinari added, ‘Shouldn’t he be wearing gloves? I have no real ambition to be transmogrified!’
    Ponder Stibbons, after he stopped laughing, rose to the occasion. ‘It is unlikely, sir: we’ve tried and it only works with raw firmament, and
that
is very difficult to get hold of these days. If I may continue …?The firmament in this case reconstituted itself as a universe, somewhat similar to our own, though happily using up only local firmament supplies. It is our belief, based
on experimentation
, that Roundworld picked up some aspects of our own world, but alas with rather less firmament. Nevertheless, it turned out to be quite small but ingeniously formed in most respects and, I might say, punching above its weight.
    ‘We have explored other universes by various occult means, and frankly, my Lord,’ he added, ‘so many of them are rather drab – just a few stars banging together occasionally and with planets where there is little or no life at all. And such as it is, life there is snivelling and grovelling underground, or at the bottom of the sea, if the planet has even been lucky enough to have one of those!’
    ‘Mister Stibbons, in your opinion, when the Dean – who I believe we shall hear from shortly – “wiggled his fingers” in firmament, did he then become a
god
?’
    ‘Not at all, my Lord. He was nothing more than a random event, turning an instability into coherence – the same as a last snowflake just before an avalanche. Not the best way of putting it, but I think it will suffice for now. However, as a result, the whole business left certain effects in both Discworld and Roundworld; for example, Roundworld has traditions of wizards, unicorns, trolls and dwarfs; not to mention zombies, werewolves and vampires. Our research shows that although these things don’t appear in Roundworld, the
concept
of them is shared by both worlds.’
    Ponder took a deep breath and continued, ‘The idea of gods has permeated cultures in both worlds. In our world gods are not only acknowledged but also, occasionally,
seen
. Although there are claims that they
have
been seen on Roundworld as well, the evidence is generally patchy, and sometimes simply wishful, thinking.’
    ‘Really,’ said Lord Vetinari. ‘I am surprised. Gods have their uses and a part to play, and I often thank Saponaria when getting into the bath; she generally arranges the very best of suds – wonderfully fine,smooth and plentiful. Of course, I never neglect a candle for Narrativia before I embark on a lengthy memoir. It would also appear that the small gods, the household gods, survive very well. I take leave to wonder what went