The Science of Discworld IV

to worry, of course, because we are always keeping an eye on things! That’s what human beings are for, you see? If the multi-verse isn’t watched, it would cease to exist. The dogs and cats and sea urchins and orangutans and oysters and locusts and so on take their share of the work, but mostly it’s left up to us to do what you might call the heavy psychic lifting, because we observe, and
know
we are observing, and we think not only about what we see but also
about the way
we think. As a reward we somehow come across even more interesting things to think about, especially when the thinking leads on to interesting new discoveries and so on.’
    Marjorie went to say something, but a look in the Archchancellor’s eye made her lean forward and take another cake instead.
    ‘We realise, of course,’ Ridcully continued, ‘that in truth we know very little compared to what we
don’t
know, and somehow that is good for us – all things must strive, and because we know how ignorant we actually are then we must strive hardest of all.’ He took a deep breath and said as it were a valedictory: ‘We will not give up Roundworld to meddlers!’
    ‘Meddlers?’ Marjorie managed.
    ‘Yes, indeed!’ Ridcully confirmed. ‘The Church of the Latter-Day Omnians has become a combative and philosophically greedy organisation, declaring that only
it
knows what is true!’ Marjorie saw his knuckles whiten. ‘Not even
we
know everything that is true, and I strongly suspect that if everything in the universe becomes true, the whole business could start over again. The Omnians do not see reason even with a telescope – and without reason there can be
nothing
. Those who wish to tell us how we should think, and sometimes that we shouldn’t even think at all, must be ignored. The glowing message that came to light in the time of Brutha, the most enlightened Omnian priest, was clear: all men are brothers – or sisters of course as appropriate – and subject to their conscience and the golden rule.’
    Suddenly Ridcully looked smaller; his face was red and he was sweating profusely, to the extent that Marjorie silently handed him a large glass of water, which appeared to her to steam as it touched his lips.
    He thanked her, and she said carefully, ‘Do you know that some people in what you call Roundworld refuse to believe that it is indeed a sphere, despite the fact that it has been proved by, among other things, the Apollo Moon landings? They assert that these were forgeries, despite
actual footprints
on the Moon. In fact, I’m sorry to say that in my own library the other day we had one of those rather nervous gentlemen who declared that the Moon mission was nothing but a hoax. You get all sorts of people in the library, and the librarian gets it all; by the way, Mustrum, just then you looked like a preacher. No offence meant.’
    ‘My brother Hughnon is a priest, not me,’ said Mustrum. ‘And even he is having difficulty with the modern Omnians. They are insisting that children are not told that this world survives on the back of an enormous turtle!’ He smiled at her and said, ‘I saw your face just then, Marjorie; but in fact the turtle
is
real – plucky explorers have seen it. Of course, it’s real in this reality; other realities may vary. And then there is Roundworld, which we suspect may originate from a universal template, unlike Discworld which we believe was bespoke. Both, however, have narrativium … yes, what is it?’
    The door opened to admit Ponder Stibbons again, smiling for once. ‘Good news, Archchancellor; and you too, Miss Daw. Our little problem has been solved, and access to Roundworld is now easily negotiable.’ Ponder hesitated for a moment and added, ‘But if I were you I would wipe the mayonnaise off it first.’
    fn1 See
Small Gods
.

TEN
----
WHERE DID
THAT
COME FROM?

    As the Archchancellor remarks, Discworld runs on narrativium, which tells causality what to do. The same goes for Roundworld, from the outside; that is, as seen by the wizards. But from inside, Roundworld did not have any narrativium until humans evolved and started inventing stories to ‘explain’ all of the puzzling features of the natural world: why it did or did not rain, how a rainbow forms, what causes thunder and lightning, why the Sun rises and sets. We have already seen how these storytelling explanations, often involving heroes, monsters and gods, appeal to a human-centred viewpoint, and how they fail –