The Truth About Faking

right behind her, leaving me standing there with my mouth open.
    I quickly shut it and look at myself in the mirror. I glance at my hair. I didn’t think about it at the time, but Mom gave me that same braid I was wearing the day Jason derailed my luau date with Trent. I’m even wearing a similar dress. My heart’s thumping and with shaking hands, I smooth a few flyaway strands back and then touch up my lip gloss. Assertiveness. Break the Cycle. Backbone.
    I have no idea what I’m about to do.

Seventeen
     
     
    The bell’s ringing and Jason’s already in his seat as I sneak into class. I can’t look at him. Stephanie’s words are still swirling in my head. She didn’t exactly say he’s still interested in me but what else could she have meant? Something must’ve happened.
    Mrs. Gipson’s droning on about some formula or the order of operations, but I can’t follow her right now. All I can think about is him just inches away from me and trying to figure out what he’s thinking. I have to sneak a peek at him. My book and notebook are open on my desktop, and I lean forward in my seat so that my hair falls sort of past my face on the side. I raise my hand to my cheek and carefully turn my head just enough to glance in his direction. His brown eyes lock on mine and I jump, sending my textbook sliding off the side of my desk.
    Wham! It hits the floor, and Mrs. Gipson stops speaking and turns to look at me. My cheeks are flaming red, and I quickly bend down to pick up my book. As I sit up again, I glance at Jason. He’s looking at the teacher, but I can see him struggling not to laugh. Great.
    When Mrs. Gipson turns around again, I hear him whisper. “You okay?”
    I nod, but I don’t look at him. At this point, the only cycle I’ve broken is the one where I have any dignity left.
    Finally the bell rings, and I don’t move as Jason stands and collects his things. He pauses for a moment beside me, but I continue making pretend notes in my book. I’m too flustered, and all my confidence is gone. I can’t say anything to him right now.
    After another moment he starts walking to the door, and I peek after him just in time to see Stephanie waiting in the hall. They walk off, and I turn back to picking up my things confused. They still seem to be together.
    I sit with Robin and the other cheerleaders at lunch, watching Jason next to Stephanie at the other end of the long table. They aren’t talking, at least not the way he and I always do.
    “He was too perfect to be straight. And the way he dresses,” Robin’s discussing Trent with Meg and one of the other senior girls. Then her voice lowers. “I can’t believe Stephanie dated him so long. That means she never…”
    She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head toward the other end of the table. The girls snicker. I glance at Stephanie and Jason again, wishing I knew could tell what she’s saying to him, if she’s telling him they shouldn’t go out anymore.
    Brian’s approach interrupts my thoughts. He puts his tray right between Robin and me and sits, scooting us apart. I roll my eyes. He’s been a big goon since kindergarten, but Robin and the other girls giggle. I notice a few playing with their hair, suddenly blinking and smiling, and I feel like I missed a memo. Shelly and Brian were together so long, I never thought of him as a potential love interest. I glance at him and decide I still don’t think of him that way.
    “God, Brian. You’re so rude,” Robin complains, but when she pushes his arm, I notice her hand lingers before she takes it back.
    “I figure this is the only safe table these days,” he says, leaning back to open his drink. Meg picks up the conversation like nothing’s changed.
    “David says there’s a For Sale sign in front of his house now.” She slides a perfectly highlighted strand of hair behind her ear. Brian watches her, and I can tell he’s looking for a way to impress her.
    “I heard his Mom threatened to throw him out,” Robin continues.
    Brian groans loudly. “It’s the great fag invasion of Shadow Falls,” he says. “Shit. I’m just glad he never joined the team. I can’t be worrying about that at my backside.”
    My teeth clench, and I stand up, sliding my tray off the table. “You’re an idiot, Brian,” I snap.
    All eyes fly to me, but I don’t care. I don’t care if Brian’s just trying to impress Meg. I can’t sit and listen to this anymore. Shelly is totally right about him.