The Twelve Kingdoms: Shadow of the Moon

scorn. "So you're just going to leave him alive to squeal on you?"
    "Fine if he does!" She felt a tightness in her chest as the tears welled up. "He's got the right. Let him complain about me all he wants!"
    "Oh, so naive, so naive."
    Why couldn't she trust people anymore? It wasn't because she was afraid of being taken in. Even if she was, she should have been able to trust him.
    "It's because you think credulous things like that. It's because you're such an easy mark, so easy to take advantage of."
    "It'd be fine with me if he did."
    "How gullible you are!" The monkey's laughter rent the night. "Really? Truly? Being played for the fool is just peachy with you?"
    "If that's what it comes down to, yes. The betrayer only betrays his cowardice. It does me no harm. But better betrayed than be the betrayer."
    "Of course the betrayer is a coward, but in this demon-haunted world, he's the one who comes out on top. No one will show you the slightest speck of kindness, little girl. Such souls do not exist here."
    "That has nothing to do with me."
    Because they tracked her down and drove her into a corner, was that reason enough to reject her own humanity? Was it reason enough to spurn anybody who approached her with good intentions? And then if their motives were not as pure as the driven snow, reason enough not to trust them in the least? If people showed her no more kindness than this, was that reason enough to show them no kindness as well?
    "No, it is not."
    Whether she trusted others had nothing to do with whether or not she was betrayed. Whether or not others were kind to her had nothing to do with whether she was kind to them in turn. Even if she were all alone in this big, wide world, if not a single person would help her or grieve for her, that gave her no cause to play the jaded coward, to abandon those in need, to bring harm upon perfect strangers.
    The monkey laughed hysterically. His earsplitting shrieks went on and on.
    "I want to be strong."
    She firmly gripped the hilt of the sword. It had nothing to do with this world or these people. She wanted to live with her head held high. She wanted to be strong.
    The monkey suddenly stopped laughing. "You are going to die. You will never go home. No one will see your face again. You'll be deceived and betrayed. You will die."
    "I'm not going to die."
    If she died here, she'd die a fool and a coward. Dying now would validate the worst part of herself. It'd be easy to brand her life as one not worth living, but she couldn't permit herself such an easy way out.
    "You will die. You will starve, you will tire, you will lose your head and you will die."
    She swung the sword with all her might. The tip of the sword trimmed off the tops of the bushes and parted the air. She felt a strong reverberation in her arm. The monkey's head tumbled down amidst the falling leaves, falling to the earth, scattering clots of blood as it rolled along.
    "I will never give up."
    She could not stop crying.

    She wiped away the tears with a stiff sleeve and started to leave. The color of gold glinted at her feet. For a long moment, Youko could not grasp what she was seeing. She stared, amazed. There it was, in the middle of a pool of dark blood where the monkey's head should be, what she had lost so long ago.
    The scabbard of the sword.

Part VI
    ouko said, "He's about this tall." She grabbed hold of a passerby and indicated the height of a human child. "You haven't seen someone who looks like a rat?"
    The old woman regarded Youko suspiciously. "What's this about? A hanjuu?"
    "Yes. I heard that he was injured last night at the city gates."
    "Oh, you mean that kochou attack." As she spoke, the old woman looked back over her shoulder. Goryou was visible in the distance. "Well, if you're talking about them people injured yesterday, they'd be in one of those government buildings. The government is tending to their needs."
    It was the answer Youko had been hearing all morning.
    She'd waited until morning to return to Goryou, but with the guards at the gate going over everybody with a fine-toothed comb, getting into the city would be well-nigh impossible. Even if she thought checking out the municipal buildings was a good idea, there was no way she'd get anywhere near the place.
    "Why not go to city hall and see for yourself?"
    "Yes, well, um, he didn't seem to be there."
    "In that case, you'd better check around the back."
    With that, the old woman resumed her journey. Around the back of the city