Thud!

Carrot.
    “I damn well hope so! What’s happening with the dwarfs?”
    “No so much singing, sir,” Cheery reported.
    “Glad to hear it.”
    “We could handle them, though, couldn’t we, sir?” said Carrot. “With the golem officers on our side, too? If it came to it?”
    Of course we couldn’t, Vimes’s mind supplied, not if they mean it. What we could is die valiantly. I’ve seen men die valiantly. There’s no future in it.
    “I don’t want it to come to it, Captain—” Vimes stopped. A deeper shadow had moved among the shadows.
    “What’s the password?” he said quickly.
    The shadowy figure, who was cloaked and hooded, hesitated.
    “Pathword? Excthuthe me, I’ve got it written down thome-where—” it began.
    “Okay, Igor, come on in,” said Carrot.
    “How did you know it wath me, thur?” said Igor, ducking under the barricade.
    “Your aftershave,” said Vimes, winking at the captain. “How did it go?”
    “Jutht as you thaid, thur,” said Igor, pushing his hood back. “Inthidentally, thur, I have thcrubbed the thlab well and my couthin Igor ith thtanding by to lend a hand. In cathe of any little acthidenth, thur…”
    “Thank you for thinking of that, Igor,” said Vimes, as if Igors ever thought of anything else. “I hope it won’t be needed.”
    He looked up and down the Cham. The rain was falling harder now. Just once, the copper’s friend had turned up when he really needed it. Rain tended to dampen martial enthusiasm.
    “Anyone seen Nobby?” he said.
    A voice from the shadows said, “Here, Mister Vimes! Been here five minutes!”
    “Why didn’t you sing out, then?”
    “Couldn’t remember the password, sir! I thought I’d wait ’til I heard Igor say it!”
    “Oh, come on in. Did it work?”
    “Better’n you’d imagine, sir!” said Nobby, rain pouring down his cloak.
    Vimes stood back. “Okay, lads, then this is it. Carrot and Cheery, you head for the dwarfs, me and Detritus will take the trolls. You know the drill. Lines to advance slowly, and no edged weapons. I repeat, no edged weapons until it’s that or die. Let’s do this like coppers, okay? On the signal!”
    He hurried back up the line of barricades as fast as the stir ran along the ranks of the watchmen.
    Detritus was waiting stoically. He grunted when Vimes arrived.
    “Clubs have jus’ about stopped, sir,” he reported.
    “I heard, Sergeant.” Vimes took off his oiled leather cloak and hung it on the barricade. He needed his arms free.
    “By the way, how did it go in Turn Again Lane?” he said, stretching and breathing deeply.
    “Oh, wonnerfuI, sir,” said Detritus happily. “Six alchemists an’ fifty pound o’ fresh Slide. In an’ out, quick an’ sweet, all banged up in the Tanty.”
    “Didn’t know what hit ’em, eh?” said Vimes.
    Detritus looked mildly offended at this. “Oh no, sir,” he said. “I made sure they knew I hit ’em.”
    And then Vimes spotted Mr. Pessimal, still where he had left him, his face a pale disc in the shadows. Well, enough of that game. Maybe the little tit would have learned something, standing here in the rain, waiting to be caught between a couple of screaming mobs. Maybe he’d had time to wonder what it was like to spend your life going through moments like that. A bit harder than pushing paper, eh?
    “If I was you, I’d just wait here, Mr. Pessimal,” he said as kindly as he could manage. “This might be a bit rough in parts.”
    “No, Commander,” said A. E. Pessimal, looking up.
    “What?”
    “I have been paying attention to what has been said, and intend to face the foe, Commander,” said A. E. Pessimal.
    “Now see here, Mr. Pessi…er, see here, A. E.,” said Vimes, putting his hand on the little man’s shoulder. He stopped. A. E. Pessimal was trembling so much that his chain mail was faintly jingling. Vimes persevered. “Look, go on home, eh? This isn’t where you belong.” He patted the shoulder a few times, totally nonplussed.
    “Commander Vimes!” snapped the inspector.
    “Er, yes?”A. E. Pessimal turned up to Vimes a face wetter than the drizzle rightly accounted for.
    “I am an acting constable, am I not?”
    “Well, yes, I know I said that, but I did not expect you to take it seriously …”
    “I am a serious man, Commander Vimes. And there is no place I would rather be now than here!” Acting Constable Pessimal said, his teeth chattering. “And no time I’d rather be here than now! Let’s do this,