Touched by an Alien

start climbing up. He was as disgusting as he looked, but not slimy, so not slippery. The scales actually helped me to climb, but I really wished I had no sense of smell, because it was like hanging onto a garbage scow.
    Earwig felt me through his pain, and he grabbed me. This was not my preferred plan. The thought that Christopher for sure and Martini very possibly were going to get to see me ripped apart wasn’t at all comforting.
    The music switched. We left Aerosmith and went right to Motorhead. I knew my mix, and this wasn’t where the songs changed. Which meant Tim had used initiative and turned on the loudest rock and roll band in the world. Maybe he was going to end up a good pinch hitter after all.
    As “Ace of Spades” and Lemmy’s shrieking Cockney ripped through the airwaves, Earwig screamed and dropped me. I managed to grab ear again, or at least ear hairs. That a superbeing could have ear hair was ignorance I hadn’t even known I cherished until this moment. But my track coach hadn’t tortured us with rope drills for nothing—I could climb this.
    I moved upward, so to speak, if you could count contortions that flung me around like a tetherball. As always, I was glad I’d hooked my purse over my neck, not that I could hope to get anything out of it right now.
    During one exciting rope swing I ended up inside the ear canal. Repulsive in terms of location and odor, but enlightening in terms of what we were here to do. Because I caught a glimpse of a pulsing, shimmering blob. The parasite was in the ear.
    I managed to swing back inside and brace myself on the sides of the canal. I had a clear view of the parasite, but I was nowhere near enough to have a hope of the aerosol reaching. Besides, I didn’t know if alcohol would work on this thing anyway.
    I considered letting go of the hairs and crawling into the canal, but the mere idea was enough to make me throw up, and I didn’t want to be near enough to the parasite for it to get a chance at me anyway.
    Mom’s Glock was looking like my best option. If I could find it. With one hand. Hanging onto a big fugly’s gross ear hairs. There had to be a better way to make a living.
    I stayed braced in the ear and slowly took my right hand off the hairs. I didn’t start falling, so I began the careful dig through my purse. This was complicated by Earwig’s contortions. I had to grab with both hands far too often. But finally, on the fifth or sixth attempt, my hand closed around cold steel.
    I pulled the gun out, and now came the really fun part. The safety was on, and it required two hands to release.
    Telling myself I didn’t mind this at all, I wrapped the hairs around my left upper arm, and let go. I was able to get the safety off, but then “Born to Raise Hell” came on, and Earwig went nuts.
    The contortions were worse than ever, and I started to slip. Oh, well, no time like the present to find out what gun recoil felt like.
    It wasn’t all that bad, but my first couple of shots didn’t hit. I managed to grab the hairs again with my left hand and did my best to steady my right. And then my stomach clenched, because the parasite was moving, right toward me.
    Mom’s words, aim for what you want to hit, seemed so logical right then. I took a deep breath, aimed and fired. I kept on firing until the clip was empty. My reward was the parasite being ripped apart. My punishment was Earwig going down.
    He fell over onto his side, the side I was on. I was hooked in his ear hair and I couldn’t get free. I held on as we went down, and then everything went black.

CHAPTER 42
    I WAS LUCKY . I wasn’t squished, and I wasn’t unconscious. I was, however, in the ear canal and had parasite parts all over me. To say I started to freak out for real is an understatement.
    My screams echoed in the ear chamber. I wasn’t sure if Earwig was dead or not, but I wasn’t trying to kill him, I was simply hysterical.
    Somehow I still had the Glock in my hand. But the magazine was empty, so I couldn’t shoot my way out. However, the thought that maybe I could got me somewhat under control, in that though I was still screaming, I was also digging through my purse for another clip. I dropped the empty on the ground and shoved the new one in, all by feel, since it was pitch black in the stinkhole that passed for an ear canal. Mom would have been proud. I hoped I’d get to tell her about it while still on the Earthly plane.
    I was about to start wasting bullets when