Tricked

decent spread of caltrops. I picked up a package of surgical gloves on my way out; I didn’t want to get any on my skin once I began combining these.
    I returned to the truck bed and didn’t dissolve my camouflage until I was in it. Granuaile had heard the rustle of the plastic bag and knew I was there, but Albert and Frank jumped a bit when I tapped on the back of the cab window.
    » Let’s go, « I hollered, and Albert peeled out of there with admirable haste. We passed a police car with flashing lights heading toward the store as we drove deeper into town. Frank directed us to a hardware store, and once we got out of the back and could talk, I explained we needed to visit one more drugstore.
    » Sure, don’t see why not, « Frank said. » First one went without a hitch. «
    Feeling saucy, we walked into the hardware store—which smelled like pressboard and paint—and asked for a buttload of nails.
    » We actually have those on sale, « the sales associate said without blinking at our denomination.
    Granuaile leaned over and whispered in my ear, » Ask if he sells them by the fuckton. «
    Nails and a good stash of drugs in hand, we were (or I was) perhaps too confident when we hit the second drugstore. It wasn’t time for them to open yet, but I surprised a pharmacist who had arrived early to do some paperwork. The alarm to the building was already turned off, but she raised plenty of alarm when the back door seemed to open and close all by itself and my camouflaged form cast a shadow on the floor. She was fast. She made it to the phone and dialed 911 before I could render her unconscious with some deft kung fu. I can’t quite do a Vulcan nerve pinch, but my Druid Doomhold is fairly quick and leaves victims with nothing more than a dire need for aspirin. I looked at her name tag, which read Gina Wachtel .
    » Sorry, Gina, « I said. » I do not envy you the headache you will have when you wake up, but until then, rest well, and dream of … « I trailed off. What do pharmacists dream of? Caribbean vacations paid for by GlaxoSmithKline? Sample packs of Percocet?
    Her emergency phone call was still a problem. Even though I hung up, dispatch would send somebody out regardless, so close on the heels of the previous visit to the other drugstore. The cops would come running, assuming that the same perpetrator was going Full Stupid with another hit, and they’d be right. I didn’t have much time.
    I knew what to look for, thanks to my experience at the first store, and I filled up my bag much faster. Though I got out of there in record time, I still heard sirens approaching as I hoofed it for the truck parked next door. Frank and Albert looked distinctly nervous sitting in the cab; they were in front of a convenience store, in full view of security cameras.
    Tossing the bag of camouflaged drugs into the back of the truck, I said, » Granuaile, hop out and go into the store to buy a couple of fountain drinks. I’ll join you in a moment. «
    » Got it, sensei. « As she clambered out of the bed, I made sure to camouflage the other bag of drugs too. Since they wouldn’t move now, they’d be completely invisible to anyone looking into the bed. I dissolved my own camouflage and startled Frank when I rapped on his window.
    He rolled it down and said, » About time. Let’s go. «
    » No, these are probably the same cops coming as before. They saw your truck leaving the scene of the last call and might be curious. We’re going to let them be. So the story is, my sister and I are hitchhikers from Flagstaff headed to Colorado. You’re taking us as far as Teec Nos Pos. Albert’s got time, because the coal mine’s closed, right? «
    » Well, yeah, but, shit, don’t you have the drugs in the back? « Albert asked.
    » They’re hidden. Don’t worry. Let them look. « The police car showed up as I said this. I tapped the door a couple of times and grinned, performance mode on. » I’m going inside to get a drink, be right back. «
    » I’ll be damned if you are! I’m not going to jail for this! « Albert yelled.
    Frank held out a hand and shook his head. » Cool it, nephew. It’ll be okay. «
    » Uncle Frank, what the hell— «
    » I know he looks like a dumbass pretty boy, but, trust me, there’s more to him than that. Just calm down and play it like he said. «
    Albert seethed but subsided. Grateful for Frank’s vote of confidence, I strode to the convenience store entrance as the police car pulled up right