Tricked

superior knowledge of indefinite units of measurement. » I believe that’s slightly more than a shitload but much less than a fuckton. «
    » Precisely, thank you. «
    » What? « Frank put down his fork, lost.
    » Then I’ll need you to take me to a drugstore to pick up the poison. «
    » What are you gonna use, rat poison or something? «
    » No, nothing like that. I can combine several pharmaceuticals to make what we need. We don’t have time to go out and gather the proper plants to do it from scratch. «
    » I wouldn’t think so. But ain’t you gonna need a prescription? «
    » Nah, I just need a getaway car. Can you lay hold of a ride for us? «
    Frank smiled and rediscovered his appetite. » Sure, I got a nephew in town. He’s sittin’ over there on his ass, « he pointed with his fork across the dining room to a table full of middle-aged men, » because the coal mine’s shut down. «
    » Oh. Has he seen you sitting here? «
    » Yeah, he’s seen me. «
    » Why hasn’t he come over to say hi? «
    » He’s bein’ polite. Sees his uncle talkin’ to a stranger, probably thinks we’re doin’ business. «
    » And so we are. Don’t let him get away, though. «
    » I won’t, « Frank assured me. Filled with a new sense of purpose, I downed half my coffee at one draught. It was good, strong stuff, the kind that Louis L’Amour used to say could float a horseshoe. Nobody ever drank weak coffee in his books. It was probably why they were so anxious to shoot people at high noon. Which reminded me …
    » Think you can get hold of a gun, Frank? Might come in handy. «
    He studied me and took his time chewing. » Yeah, I have an old six-shooter tucked away somewhere. «
    » Attaboy. «
    » I think it’ll give you all the chances of a mouse against a sidewinder, « he said, » but you’re welcome to it. I think some antipersonnel mines would work better. «
    » Or horny toads with frickin’ lasers strapped to their backs, « Sophie suggested, and I smiled. No wonder Oberon liked her.
    Frank called over his nephew after we finished eating and introduced him to us as Albert. He had his hair cropped short in a crew cut and wore a blue-and-gray flannel shirt tucked into his jeans.
    » Say, their car is in the shop, « Frank said, pointing a finger at us and admirably skipping the details. » Wouldja mind drivin’ us around a bit? «
    Albert shrugged a shoulder. » Sure, I don’t have nothin’ else to do. « He flashed a grin past Frank. » Hey, Sophie. «
    » Hey, Albert. «
    » You out of work too? «
    » Yep. For the day, anyway, « she said.
    » Aw, that sucks. Man, « Albert shook his head and held his hands half clenched in front of him, picturing someone he’d like to strangle, » if they catch the damn hippie who gunked up all the engines, I hope they haul his nuts backward and yank ’em out of his— « He stopped midsentence as he saw Granuaile clutch at my arm and heard her make a tiny noise. » Oh. Sorry, miss. « He took in my tattoos and his eyes lingered on the triskele on the back of my hand. Then he spied my necklace and noticed my hair, which admittedly can look a bit unkempt at times. » Are you a damn—I mean, are you guys hippies? « Granuaile’s fingernails dug painfully into my arm at his question.
    » No, « I assured him. » But we are frequently mistaken for hippies. No worries, happens all the time. « Granuaile was now pounding at me with her fist. I glanced at her and beheld an expression of barely restrained mirth. Her face was blushing red because she neither dared take a breath nor release one, convinced she would laugh inappropriately and embarrass Albert. I rose from the table to make way for her to get by. » Will you excuse my sister? She really needs to go to the restroom. «
    Granuaile nodded somewhat manically, her lips pressed tightly together and a tear welling up in her left eye as she stood.
    » Oh, sure. « Albert scooted over to stand next to Frank, and Granuaile hurried away toward the rest-rooms, hand over her mouth and making wee whimpering noises. » Is she going to be okay? « he asked.
    » Yeah, she’ll be fine, « I said, brushing away his concern with a wave. » These episodes just happen sometimes. «
    The entire restaurant heard her when she closed the door—a long, sustained high note followed by a gasp and another long note.
    Albert made a face. » Man, are you sure? «

Chapter 27
    I’ve often been flabbergasted by modern pharmaceutical ads