Tricked

«
    » A geologist who can mix poisons? « Sophie said.
    » He’s a Renaissance man, « Granuaile explained as she poured syrup on her pancakes, and I shot her an amused glance. Yes, I was a Renaissance man. And a man of the Enlightenment, a Victorian man, a Postmodern man …
    Frank squinted at me doubtfully and wagged his head back and forth slowly. » I don’t think that’s gonna work, « he said.
    » Why not? «
    He sighed and took a stab at his omelet. » I don’t care what kind o’ poison you got, they ain’t gonna step on one and keel over dead. They’re gonna keep going based on momentum if nothing else. And skinwalkers have a hell of a lot o’ momentum. They’re gonna get a shot at you, and one shot’s probably all they’re gonna need. Poison might get to them eventually, but not before they get to you. «
    » Maybe. I’m betting that anything traveling that fast is going to fall down and go boom as soon as it runs into an obstacle. They’ll not only get one in their feet, you see, they’ll fall down and get punctured multiple times. Once they’re down with that much poison in them, they won’t be getting up. But even if they don’t fall down, Frank, they’re going to be stepping mighty ginger right away; they’ll slow down to manageable speeds, enough for us to get a shot at them. «
    Frank wasn’t convinced. » I don’t know. I can still see ’em dodging around ’em or something like that. What about trying a net? «
    » They’ll see it coming and dodge. Or they’ll tear through it. Come on, they were chucking trucks around last night. Caltrops are easy to make and tough to avoid. We could finish this up tonight. «
    Sophie was chewing on a piece of toast and nearly choked. Frank pounded her on the back to help her out. She took a drink to clear her throat and then she said to me, » You just got done reminding us that they were throwing trucks around, and now you think you can finish them tonight with caltrops? «
    » The poisoned caltrops only slow them down so we can pop ’em with a gun. Or my sword. «
    » I’ve been meaning to ask you about that, « she said, » so thanks for bringing it up. Why do you have a sword? «
    » In case of the zombie apocalypse. You never run out of ammo with a sword. «
    Granuaile snorted in amusement, and Sophie flicked her eyes at her in annoyance before returning to me. » Look, I don’t know what you are, but you’re more than a geologist, if you are one at all. I’ve met lots of geologists on different projects like this, and they’re all tiny sunburned men with fetishes for geodes. They wear floppy hats and carry baggies for soil samples around with them. You don’t look or behave like a geologist, and Frank doesn’t treat you as one. Neither does Mr. Benally. And geologists don’t make rocks disappear like you did the other night. They keep them and build little shrines to them. So stop patronizing me and tell me what you really are. «
    Since she was already in a state of disbelief, it was difficult to think of something she would accept. She wouldn’t buy the truth, and I didn’t want to give it to her anyway. I wanted to say, » I’m the Doctor and this is my companion, « but I doubted Sophie was a fan of the long-running BBC series. Forget the TARDIS and the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor’s best gadget was the psychic paper. I can’t tell you how many times I wished I had some. In absence of that, one of my favorite strategies to deflect attention from the fact that I’m a lying bastard is to accuse someone else of being a bigger one.
    » Sophie, you may have noticed by now that Mr. Benally is full of shit, « I said.
    In a voice as dry as the mesa, she said, » Yeah, I noticed that. « Frank’s shoulders jiggled up and down as he laughed silently.
    » Well, he never should have introduced me as a geologist. I’m more of a project troubleshooter. «
    » No kidding? « That earned me a wry twist to her mouth. » I’d say the project is in some pretty deep trouble at this point. «
    » Hence the reason Mr. Benally has left everything up to me. Since your part of the project cannot continue until we get the area stabilized, I suggest you enjoy a day or two off. That is, if you can help me get this straightened out tonight, Frank? «
    Frank looked up from his omelet, surprised. » Who, me? «
    » First, we need to get a buttload of nails. «
    » A buttload? How much is that? «
    » Uh … «
    Granuaile rescued me with her