Twisted Perfection

find my car. I wasn’t in any condition to drive. I needed somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere safe. I needed somewhere safe . The words “safe” kept up a chant in my head as my vision became more and more blurry. I managed to find a house that looked empty and sat down on the backside of it facing away from the road. I pulled my knees up and tucked my head between them. I could get through this. It was just a symptom of my trauma. Or at least that’s what the doctors kept telling me.

    Don’t go outside, Della. It’s dangerous. Your daddy is dead because he went outside. Stay here where it’s safe. With me. We’ll be safe together. Just the two of us.

    I felt tears fill my eyes as my mother’s words began tumbling through my head. I tried so hard to repress the memories. But when I was emotionally spent they came back. They didn’t just hide away in my dreams.

    Shhh, Della dear. I know you want to ride a bike but so many bad things can get you outside. You’re only safe in here. Remember that. We can’t leave or bad things will happen. Let’s sing a song, okay? One that is happy. One that is safe.

    “No, no, no momma. You aren’t going to do this to me. I’m stronger than you. I can beat this,” I said as I pushed the memories back. I wasn’t my mother. I wanted to live life. I wanted to face danger and I wanted to know all the emotions that went along with it.
    I sat there a long time and stared up at the moon. It was something I used to long to see. I knew at night that I could get away from the safety of my house and see Braden. I could ride her bike down the dark streets and I could breathe in the fresh air. The night sky had become my friend.
    Finally, I wiped my face with the backs of my hands and stood up. I was okay. I’d made it through this alone. Braden hadn’t been here to tell me to breathe and make me laugh while she kept her arm wrapped around my shoulders. This time it had just been me. I was proud of myself.

    ***

    I had lain awake last night thinking about packing up and leaving but in the end I decided that I was done with running. I couldn’t run every time I came in contact with pain or a problem was placed in my path. It was time I reacted like the rest of the world and faced it head on. However, I might need to find another job. My boss might not want me working for him anymore. I’d just ask him. I would walk right up to him, be very professional, and ask him if I still had a job or if he needed me to look elsewhere for one. That would be easy enough.
    If I could keep from remembering how his face looked when he got off. Dangit. That was going to be a problem. Thinking about Woods in a sexual way had to stop. He was my boss. Nothing more.

    I walked in the back entrance of the clubhouse and headed for his office. Might as well address this right away. Get it over with so I wouldn’t waste anymore time thinking about it.
    I knocked on his door and waited. No answer. Crap. Turning, I headed back down the hall toward the kitchen entrance when Woods walked into the building. His eyes locked on me and I stopped. Just seeing him again was hard. I had let our sex become more than it was. I’d let myself think I needed it. I mentally shook my head to clear it.
    “Hello, Mr. Kerrington. I was looking for you. I need to make sure I still have a job or if you’d prefer I resign and go find one elsewhere.” That sounded very cool and no-nonsense. I was impressed.
    Something I wasn’t sure I understood flashed in Woods’ eyes. He took a step closer to me and stopped. “You have a job here as long as you want one,” he replied.
    “Thank you. I appreciate it.” I didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, I headed for the kitchen entrance and never looked back.
    When the swinging doors closed behind me, I let out the breath I’d been holding. I’d done it. We’d had our closure. No more words needed. I could ignore him and he could ignore me.
    “Oh good I get to work with you instead of Jimmy today. He drives me nuts in the mornings.” A girl I’d only seen once before, my first day, smiled at me as she walked into the kitchen tying her apron around her waist.
    “Della, right?” she asked and pulled her long brown hair up into a ponytail.
    “Yes and you’re...” I glanced down at her nametag, “Violet,” I replied.
    She laughed, “Caught you cheating. But that’s okay we just met once before. I’ll take the right side tables seven through fourteen. You take