Unbroken

You’re supposed to be on my side!”
    Lacey catches her breath. “I’m trying to understand, Jules, I really am.” She tells me, anguished. “So Emerson is hot, and sexy as hell, and has this… hold over you. But he fucking broke your heart, remember? And you moved on.” She crosses the room to me. “You’ve spent all this time talking about how you need your life to be different, and how you can’t deal with being in love like that again. And now you’re just going right back to him? What happens next?” She demands loudly. “You’re going to just stay in that tiny town with him and live happily ever after until he decides to bail all over again? What happened to making it, the job, the apartment, everything?!”
    What happens next?
    It’s what my mom asked me, four years ago. It’s what she warned me about. Men like that, you can’t build a future with them. Love that fierce always burns out. She knew that better than anyone. She begged me to leave Cedar Cove and Emerson behind, and make a real life for myself, not to fall into the same mistakes she did. After Emerson proved her right, I told myself over and over again, I would be careful next time.
    But look where that’s gotten me now.
    “Jules?” Lacey prompts me, and I realize I’ve been standing there, not saying a word.
    “I don’t know.” I hug myself. “I just know, I have to see, if there’s anything there to make work. I have to be true to myself. Can’t you understand that, even a little?”
    Lacey looks torn. “I understand,” she says finally. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re making a gigantic, monumental, epic mistake.”
    “Well, just as long as you’re clear about it.” I mutter. It breaks the tension. Lacey cracks a smile.
    “You know I want what’s best for you, doll.” She pulls me into a hug. “I just think Daniel is the best. Seriously, you should see the way that guy looks at you: like you’re the most precious thing in the world.”
    I let out a long sigh. “I know exactly how Daniel sees me. That’s the problem. He treats me like I’m special, and good, and pure.”
    “Jules…”
    “No, it’s true!” I protest. “Even when I came clean about making out with Emerson, he still acted like it was just a mistake, something that happened because I was stressed and confused. He could never believe I wanted it.”
    No, I correct myself. Not just wanted. Needed . I burned, and ached, and begged for Emerson’s touch. When I think of myself, trapped beneath him on that couch, moaning with pleasure from the sensation of his skin against mine, clawing at his clothes, and thrusting up against him…
    Emerson looks at me like I’m a goddess, like I’m water, and he’s been roaming in the desert for a thousand years in search of just one drop. Like it takes everything in him not to devour me right there where I stand.
    Like he sees my soul: raw, and damaged, and wanting. And he loves me all the same.
    “Then I guess you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.” Lacey sighs. “You heading back?”
    I nod. “You want to get breakfast before I hit the road?” I ask, looking at her hopefully. Even after everything, I can’t bear the thought she’s angry at me. She’s been my best friend since the very first day of freshman year, and I can’t imagine life without her. “My treat,” I add. “We could get those chocolate chip pancakes you love…”
    Lacey rolls her eyes again, but this time, it’s affectionate. “Way to ruin my rant.” she tells me, smiling.
    “So that’s a yes?” I grin, relief coursing through me.
    “You know me, I’m a cheap date.” Lacey grabs her purse. I laugh,
    “Shut up.” I follow her out the door, but something niggles at the back of my mind. I pause. “You don’t really believe that stuff?” I ask her, frowning. “What you said, before, about guys like Daniel not picking you—“
    “Forget it.” Lacey waves my concerns away. “I was just bitching, you know that.”
    “Well, you’re wrong.” I tell her, following her down the hallway. “You’re awesome, and smart, and sexy, and you could have any guy you want.”
    “Right now, I’ll take any guy who can give me bacon.” Lacey cracks. I laugh.
    “You know I love you, right?”
    Lacey links her arm through mine. “Love you too, babe.”
    * * *
    After breakfast, I pack up for the road – for real, this time. I don’t pretend to myself I’ll be done in town for just a few days. I