Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

understand, Ben. Not for this.”
    “ I doubt that, Gracie. Just do your eye thing and tell him you’re sad and he’ll fold.” I try to lighten things up a bit, because with the rain and the sadness it’s just too much.
    Tears are still rolling down her cheeks, but I see a tiny smile pull at the corners of her mouth.
    “ What eye thing?”
    “ The one that gets you everything you want.”
    Her eyes shift down.
    “ It didn’t get me you.” Her voice is basically a whisper under the spattering of rain on the roof. I reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
    “ Yeah it did. Just not in the way you’d planned.” I cup her neck with my hand and force her to look at me.
    “ Don’t, Ben.” Her voice is suddenly serious, and I drop my hand from her face.
    “ Don’t what?”
    “ Don’t be nice to me. Touch me like that when you know I don’t deserve it. Don’t care about me when you know you shouldn’t. Just stop being nice. Especially because you’re leaving. You can’t care if you’re just going to leave.” Her chest is rising and falling fast and fresh tears form.
    “ Then tell me to stay,” I say flatly, and her eyes lock onto mine. She doesn’t respond.
    “ You pretend you don’t care, and you’re right here. How is that different? Be real with me, Graceland. Tell me to stay, and I’ll stay,” I continue.
    “ But your sister?” she stutters, unable to look at me now.
    “ To hell with Sasha. To hell with your mom. Forget about everyone who’s telling you what you are and just be you. What do you want?” I’m getting irritated, but I move closer to her despite the frustration.
    “ Ben, I can’t—“ she starts, and I shake my head.
    “ I’m not asking you to love me. Or marry me. Or even date me. Jesus Graceland, I’m not asking you for forever. I’m asking you if you want me to stay. I’m asking you for right now.”
    Her eyes dart everywhere but at me. Her hands shake, so I take them in mine and place her palms on my chest.
    “ I like you, Gracie. I want to be around you. I want to touch you and find any ridiculous reason to do so. I care about you. But the real you. I said that in the barn the other day, and it’s still true. I can’t stay, though, if you won’t say it. I won’t stay if you can’t tell me what you want. What you truly want from me. I won’t play along with your perfect memories. You can’t pull shit like you did the other day. It doesn’t have to be much, but it has to be real. I can’t take any more pretending.”
    Her arms are tense, and her fingers dig into my chest. I wonder if she can feel how fast my heart is beating. I think this is the most real I’ve been with anyone, too. It’s true. I am sick of pretending. I want something real, something that isn’t based on sex, or money, or lies, or insecurity. I don’t know why Gracie always has this way of making me feel like I’m 'the girl' in our messed up situation, but here I am, giving her an ultimatum, heart pounding, telling her I want to be friends as well as more.
    But she doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing but rain now like a torturous rhythmic beating that keeps in time with my heart and works its way into my ears, drowning out everything else.
    After a while, her facial expression hasn’t changed. She’s torn and tortured. Her thoughts swirl around behind her unfocused eyes. I drop her hands from my chest and push back. The movement startles her, but I’m already halfway to the door. Halfway gone.

CHAPTER 26
    Graceland
    “ Stay!” The word is louder and way more desperate than I wanted it to be. Bentley spins as I scramble to pull my leg over the railing and hop down onto the porch. He has that neutral thinking face on, but his gaze envelops me and pulls me toward him.
    He’s right. I like him. I don’t love him. This isn’t forever. He has to leave at the end of the summer, but if I let him go now I’ll never know him the way I want to. Better.
    “ Stay?” he asks.
    “ Yes, I want you to stay.”
    I open my arms, and he steps into them, sliding his hands around my waist. I wrap my blanket around us both and drop my mom’s journal on the ground behind him so I can hold him right.
    “ Why?” He grins down at me, and I finally feel like I can smile again. Not a full real one but half hidden and almost honest.
    “ I kinda want to get to know you better,” I say and press my lips together, hoping he gets it. He does. A kiss for everything he