Unicorns? Get Real!

Mistress, Queen Mother Adelia Elsinore Louisa, hurried to the table and stood by watching silently. The duchess glanced toward her, a beseeching look in her eyes, as if she hoped the Queen Mum would come to her rescue. She waited for her to scold this rude princess. But the Camp Mistress remained silent.
    “I meant no harm,” the Snort stammered. She saw something that truly frightened her in Princess Gundersnap’s eyes.
    “You mean nothing ever.” The princess’s words fell like cold stones, one by one. “You are nothing. Nothing but a painted shell. A complete twit.”
    “That will be enough, Princess Gundersnap,” the Camp Mistress said. And that was all that was said. Gundersnap was not scolded or punished, much to the Snort’s dismay.

Chapter 16
    OFF TO BURNING SHIELD

    “So you say we are not permitted to wear our hair powdered until we are at least thirteen?” Alicia was asking Princess Parisiana as they rode in the nearly mile-long procession that wound around the lake to Camp Burning Shield on the other side.
    “Yes, and here I am just two months short of my thirteenth birthday. It provokes me to no end. In the court of Chantillip, we permit eight-year-old girls to powder their hair.”
    “Eight-year-olds!” Princesses Gundersnap and Kristen both exclaimed at once. The four princesses of the South Turret were riding with Princess Parisiana. Princess Morwenna and the other nasty princesses of the North Turret rode directly behind them.
    “I don’t approve of any of it,” said Morwenna. These were the first words she had spoken on the ride. It was a perfectly beautiful day. It had been winter at dawn but winter had vanished to be followed by what was called “sudden summer.” Sudden summer simply meant that spring had been skipped entirely—no daffodils, no spring chickadees—but now the trees were a deep deep green, the sun hot, and the lake water warm—warm enough for swimming.
    “Princess Morwenna, what do you approve of?” Alicia turned in her saddle and asked.
    “I approve of long hours of prayer. I approve of fasting one day a week. I approve of crusades. And most of all, I approve of my patron saint, whose medallion I wear around my neck. This is the only ornamentation I need,” she said, touching the bronze disk at her throat.
    Princess Gundersnap guided her horse closer to Morwenna to see the medallion. “It’s only a baby on that medallion. A baby saint?”
    “Oh, not Saint Rumwald, puleeze!” groaned Kristen.
    “Saint Rumwald?” Alicia asked.
    “You know the one, Alicia.” Kristen grimaced. “Poor kid lived just three days. On the third day he announced, ‘I am a Christian’ and promptly died.”
    “You’re wearing the image of a dead baby around your neck?” Alicia was shocked. “Totally gross!”
    “I agree,” said Princess Parisiana.
    “And I disagree.” Princess Morwenna’s face had not changed expression. “It is not gross. It is divine. To know what you are when you are just three days old is a gift of God.”
    “Bahksmutch!” Gundersnap exclaimed.
    “Baaawhat?” Kristen asked.
    “ Bahksmutch. It means ‘baloney’ in Slobo. And saying a dead baby is divine is simply baloney— bahksmutch. ” Gundersnap spat out the word.
    This perhaps was the most philosophical discussion that had ever occurred among the campers. Morwenna’s face hardened into a tight little mask. Her eyes got all squinty, and her mouth became a thin grim line. “I take grave offense at this. I shall report you to Camp Mistress, Queen Mother Adelia Elsinore Louisa.” Then, as she rode off to find the camp mistress, she paused and turned around in her saddle. “Abi in malam rem!” which in Latin meant, “Go to the devil.”
    But Gundersnap, not to be undone, trotted right up to her and said, “Abi conbiba ovo,” which meant in Latin, “Go suck an egg.”
    Princess Morwenna galloped off in a fury.
     
    In the distance they saw silk tents and pavilions against the flawless blue sky. The colors were magnificent—pink, purple, fiery orange, bright yellow, sapphire blue. And from the top of each tent, snapping in the breeze, were the banners emblazoned with royal crests of the princesses.
    “I hope we all get to be together in the same tent,” Myrella said.
    “Let’s hope that Morwenna is not with us.” Kristen sighed.
     
    Just at that moment, Lady Merry von Schleppenspiel’s reinforced carriage drove up. She ordered her driver to stop and motioned the