Vanish: A Rizzoli & Isles Novel

didn’t warn you.” She rose to her feet. Regina was still strangely quiet, still staring at Jane as though Mommy had suddenly become interesting enough to watch. “You know who I am, and it’s always been take it or leave it.” She started out of the kitchen.
    “Jane.”
    “Regina needs her diaper changed.”
    “Damn it, you’re running away from a fight.”
    She turned back to him. “I don’t run from fights.”
    “Then sit down with me. Because I’m not running from you, and I don’t plan to.”
    For a moment she just looked at him. And she thought: This is so hard. Being married is so hard and scary, and he’s right about my wanting to run. All I really want to do is retreat to a place where no one can hurt me.
    She pulled out the chair and sat down.
    “Things
have
changed, you know,” he said. “It’s not like before, when we didn’t have Regina.”
    She said nothing, still angry that he’d agreed she was a bitch. Even if it was true.
    “Now if something happens to you, you’re not the only one who gets hurt. You have a daughter. You have other people to think about.”
    “I signed up for motherhood, not prison.”
    “Are you saying you’re sorry we had her?”
    She looked down at Regina. Her daughter was staring up, wide-eyed, as though she understood every word being said. “No, of course not. It’s just . . .” She shook her head. “I’m more than just her mother. I’m
me,
too. But I’m losing myself, Gabriel. Every day, I feel like I’m disappearing a little more. Like the Cheshire Cat in Wonderland. Every day it seems harder and harder to remember who I was. Then you come home and get ticked off at me for placing that ad. Which, you have to admit, is a
brilliant
idea. And I think: Okay, now I’m really lost. Even my own husband has forgotten who I am.”
    He leaned forward, his gaze burning a hole in her. “Do you know what it was like for me, when you were trapped in that hospital? Do you have any idea? You think you’re so tough. You strap on a weapon and suddenly you’re Wonder Woman. But if you get hurt, you’re not the only one who bleeds, Jane. I do, too. Do you
ever
think of me?”
    She said nothing.
    He laughed, but it came out the sound of a wounded animal. “Yeah, I’m a pain in the ass, always trying to protect you from yourself. Someone has to do it, because you are your own worst enemy. You never stop trying to prove yourself. You’re still Frankie Rizzoli’s despised little sister. A
girl.
You’re still not good enough for the boys to play with, and you never will be.”
    She just stared back at him, resenting how well he knew her. Resenting the accuracy of his arrows, which had so cruelly hit their mark.
    “Jane.” He reached across the table. Before she could pull away, his hand was on hers, holding on with no intention of releasing her. “You don’t need to prove yourself to me, or Frankie, or anyone else. I know it’s hard for you right now, but you’ll be back at work before you know it. So give the adrenaline a rest. Give
me
a rest. Let me enjoy just having my wife and daughter safe at home for a while.”
    He still held her hand captive on the table. She looked down at their hands and thought: This man never wavers. No matter how hard I push against him, he is always right there for me. Whether I deserve him or not. Slowly their fingers linked in a silent armistice.
    The phone rang.
    Regina gave a wail.
    “Well.” Gabriel sighed. “That moment of peace didn’t last long.” Shaking his head, he rose to answer the call. Jane was just carrying Regina out of the kitchen when she heard him say: “You’re right. Let’s not talk about this on the phone.”
    Instantly she was alert, turning to search his face for the reason his voice had suddenly dropped. But he was facing the wall, and she focused instead on the knotted muscles of his neck.
    “We’ll be waiting for you,” he said, and hung up.
    “Who was that?”
    “Maura. She’s on her way over.”

THIRTY-ONE
    Maura did not show up at their apartment alone. Standing beside her in the hallway was an attractive man with dark hair and a trim beard. “This is Peter Lukas,” she said.
    Jane shot Maura an incredulous look. “You brought a reporter?”
    “We need him, Jane.”
    “Since when do we ever need reporters?”
    Lukas gave a cheery wave. “Nice to meet you, too, Detective Rizzoli, Agent Dean. Can we come in?”
    “No, let’s not talk in here,” said Gabriel, as he and