Volume 01 - Dirty Shorts

grey pants when he pulled himself out of bed. They were snug enough to show off the muscles in his legs but flexible enough to allow unrestricted movement. He grabbed his trusty longsword, Rel-Lik. (That’s ‘killer’ spelled backwards.) Rel-Lik is long, narrow, and extremely sharp. It was just an ugly old sword. Rel-Lik had no magic enhancements or skill modifiers. It didn’t need them. Very few creatures survived without their head; it didn’t need to be anything more than sharp.
    Cable left his armor in the tent. If it was just a spider, he planned to sleep a little longer after Princess-Gnome shut up. If something was seriously wrong, there wasn’t time to mess with the armor. The screaming finally stopped. Sapphire probably fainted from fright. (I didn’t see how anything could be more terrifying than a gnome, but I guessed everything had phobias.)
    On alert, Cable silently exited his small tent, quickly noticing something was indeed wrong. The camp was being attacked and it looked like Sapphire was the target. Now that Cable was outside, he could hear Sapphire had stopped screaming and was hurling insults at her attackers. She may not have been able to put up much of a fight physically but at least she could give even the most secure creature a complex. It was hard to stay in character and not laugh as Sapphire told one of the Draczards—an androgynous man-snake-lizard-like thing—“Is that all you got, you beady-eyed son of a bitch? My gnome-nana hits harder than you, and she is over 400 years old, pussyface!”
    “Someone gag the gnome, please. Her manly shrieking is making my ears bleed,” one of the ugly green lizard creatures hissed. It was then Cable noticed this wasn’t an attack per se, but they were trying to kidnap little Sapphire. They were trying to stuff her in an old bristly potato sack, but she was too slippery and it looked like she was biting them if they got near her mouth.
    Why kidnap her? They couldn’t possibly plan to ransom her back to us and expect us to pay, could they? Just listen to the shrill man-voice of the shrieking harpy. Why would anyone pay to get that back? Who was Cable trying to kid? Sapphire was part of the team and he’d do whatever it took to get her back. Still, they couldn't have known that; they must want her for something else—need her alive—or they would have already killed her... probably need her blood or skin for some ancient curse or other dark ritual. Cable almost felt bad for the kidnappers; no one deserved the verbal abuse Sapphire could spit out.
    Cable resisted the urge to let out a battle cry and rush to save Princess-Gnome-Stool. Cable was too smart to give away his advantage: no one had noticed he was there, yet. There were eight of the creepy walking lizards, and without his armor or reinforcements, he’d need the surprise and hopefully take out two of them before they even realized he was there. Normally Cable wouldn’t have liked killing someone from behind, but it was eight against one and his sleep had been interrupted so he was cranky.
    In situations like this, things rarely go as planned. When it comes down to it, it is all luck of the dice. Cable’s first swing with Rel-Lik was aimed to decapitate the monster closest to him. Swinging with a strong, quick strike, he… missed. There went the advantage of a surprise attack. Bitch fucker whore! Cable didn’t say that out loud. He was a silent fighter; to show frustration would just make him look weak, and taunting sounded desperate. Cable liked to remain unyielding and let nothing show on his face. Without armor, Cable couldn’t afford to take any chances. Even if his movement would be a lot quicker without the heavy burden of armor, he’d have to fight defensively, which could take awhile.
    Avoiding their long, spiky teeth and the eight razor claws they had on each limb was vital to coming out victorious. Three of the Draczards closest to Cable broke away from the pack and each took a turn trying to score a hit. They missed. Cable responded quickly and thrust Rel-Lik into the nearest lizard’s upper body, piercing the thick-scaled chest plate. Wrenching the sword into the vulnerable organs, Cable watched as the lizard’s thick, yellow-orangey blood began to bubble between the creature’s nasty teeth. Ripping his sword out, Cable watched the thing fall lifelessly to the sand. He didn’t know much about the Draczards’ biology, but he approached every fight the same: stab