Volume 01 - Dirty Shorts

gnome keychain,” I heard Zack say before I tuned out the creepy gnome talk. I had endured all the gnome-ness I could handle for now. I hated gnomes, and I’d probably have wet nightmares about them as it was. I could see the dream in my head: Zack has me pinned against the wall, my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs locked around his waist. We’re naked, of course, and he is pounding his cock into me, and just when we’re about to come, poorly dressed gnome terrorists show up with spoons. Gnomes liked spoons for scooping eyeballs out of skulls; they were that evil. I’d wake up once they started to hack my eyeless head off. I’d lay awake with my cock achingly hard while crying from the terror of the gnome attack. I would probably end up needing to double my therapy sessions. Maybe I just wouldn’t sleep tonight, that would be safest. New Mission: Find Something to do to Avoid Sleeping.
    It was going to be tough playing with a gnome, especially a female one that speaks in Zack’s husky-man voice. He didn’t even try to make it higher when he was in character (and usually threatening bodily harm). It was weird imagining a two-foot female fashion-disaster victim talking in such a manly voice. If gnomes weren’t so scary I’d have laughed about it. I needed to find something to say to Zack and hope once I started the conversation, I could keep it going.
    I started making lists in my head of stuff that was okay to say and what wasn’t. Like “how’s it going?” was good. “Want a blowjob?” was slightly too slutty and went on my ‘don’t say’ list. “What do you think of the game so far?” was good, and in theory I should be able to talk about the game for hours. So I kept trying to find stuff to say, and then I had to work on actually saying it.

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    Mission: Talk to Zack had been going nowhere for three months now. Not only could I not talk to him, but Zack was distracting. He always wore tight t-shirts that stretched across his muscular chest. The game store was always a little chilly and shortly after he would slip out of his leather jacket, his nipples would both firm into points. Three months of imagining what it would be like rubbing—or preferably licking—that amazing chest and playing with those perky nipples.
    Whenever I was caught staring, I would just look back at the board and feel myself blush. Sometimes when I accidentally made contact with his sultry brown eyes, he would give me a quirky half smile. I could tell by his smirk he knew I wanted him, but I just couldn’t get the courage to actually say anything. It was so easy to watch him, wishing I could find the courage to ask him to get coffee or something. Then I’d think, “what if he said yes?” I’d spend the whole time stumbling through, trying to figure out more things to say—and subtly imply I was up for more than just coffee—without being too direct in case he wasn’t gay. It didn’t take much for me to talk myself out of asking him to hangout.
    I was convinced that there was at least a seventy-three percent chance he was gay. I bumped it up from sixty-eight after our third game. Zack showed up wearing a light pink shirt that was tighter than usual. ‘It’s All Geek To Me’ was written across the chest, the serif font appearing elongated from how much the fabric had to stretch. Then the next game he was wearing a black shirt that said “Go ahead, play with my” followed by a picture of an old Atari joystick. Zack had caught me staring at his chest enough that he had to know I’d see it, but I wasn’t sure if the shirt was a serious invitation, if he was just teasing me, or if he even wore it for me.
    If he was trying to tease me, it worked. His shirts did nothing but inspire my imagination and make me want him even more. It wasn’t just that he was physically the epitome of my every desire, but I genuinely liked him, what I knew of him.
    I really hadn’t talked to him beyond mumbled “hellos,” but I did manage to talk to him in the game. That was Cable talking to Psychotic Gnome AKA Sapphire, which was just me, teasing. I got over my fear of gnomes, in the game at least, but I still can’t go to my grandma’s house without having a minor panic attack. Even though Sapphire didn’t terrify me any longer, I still enjoyed making fun of her or having Cable do it for me.
    Playing with Zack was fun. Besides being able to tease Sapphire, he really did make things more interesting. He always