Where Nerves End

“Jason, Im trying to help you. If theres something I can do, then say so, and I will.”
I stared at the floor, silently debating letting him treat me, or telling him why I couldnt let him touch me.
“Jason?”
I swallowed. “Honestly?” I took a breath and mustered every bit of willpower I had to look him in the eye. “Having you treat me is just making it worse.”
His eyes widened. “It is? I thought you said it was helping.”
“It is. Well, was. The acupuncture helps, but….” You drive me insane. When you touch me I want to touch you. Just standing here talking to you like this is making the muscle spasms worse because I’m going out of my ever-loving mind .
He pushed himself off the door frame and took a step toward me, but stopped when I drew back. He backed off a little, sliding his hands into his pockets. “Is this about what happened between us?”
“Of course it is,” I whispered. “When you work on me, it helps, but then I get so goddamned wound up from having your hands on me…” I made a sharp, frustrated gesture and avoided his eyes. “It pretty much cancels out whatever the needles have done.”
“I didnt realize this was bothering you that much.”
“It is.” I lifted my gaze and met his eyes for a fleeting second. “So, yes, my shoulder hurts. But going to the clinic or having you treat me here, it just isnt helping. I mean, its bad enough wanting you like this when you dont want—”
“I never said I didnt want you.”
A shiver ran down my spine. “Then why…”
Michael came closer, shrinking the space between us to less than an arms length, and when I drew back, my shoulder blades met the wall.
“Its been killing me,” he said, his voice unsteady, and for some reason I was surprised he didnt reach for me. “If you think this has been easy for me, think again.”
I closed my eyes and released a frustrated breath.
“Jason,” he said, “I want you so bad, but this is…”
“If avoiding it is driving us both crazy like this,” I said, “maybe its not as wrong as you think it is.”
“Im not saying its wrong,” he said. “Ive never said it was wrong.”
“If we didnt live together with your son, and you had never been my acupuncturist…” I moistened my lips. “Would we?”
“In a heartbeat,” he breathed, and this time he did reach for me. The gentle pressure of his hand on my waist pushed the air out of my lungs. “If those factors werent in place, God only knows what wed have done by now.”
Goose bumps rose along my arm as I reached for his. “But those factors are in place.”
“Yes.” He wrapped his arms around me. “They are.”
I traced the edge of his jaw with the backs of my fingers. “Which means we cant.”
Michael nodded.
I couldnt make myself pull my hand back. I could barely make myself form the words, “Then why are we doing this ?”
“I dont know.” His voice shook, and he touched his forehead to mine. “All I know is, I want you now.”
“What do we do about tomorrow?”
He swallowed, pulling back and looking me in the eye. “Well… figure that out when we get there. Right now, I just cant think about anything else.”
I knew it was a bad idea. I knew Id regret it. I knew Id be kicking myself as soon as it was over because one more night would only make it that much harder to get him out of my mind.
But I kissed him anyway.
We stumbled. Holding on to each other, breathing in rapid unison, we nearly tripped over each others feet before I found the counter and pushed Michael up against it. Now that we had gravity and support taken care of, the kiss deepened and intensified, his thickening erection pressing against mine and weakening my knees.
His hands slid under my shirt and across my skin. The heat of his touch made me shiver, and I arched my back, which pushed my body closer to his. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair, and that simple, easy movement ignited a twinge in my shoulder.
A twinge that drew my attention away from his kiss and to the pain that had sparked this whole conversation. The pain that needed the acupuncture I couldnt bring myself to get because I couldnt deal with Michael touching me because he wouldnt touch me any other way. Except now. This time. This one time.
And after this, what?
Nothing had changed. The reasons he balked at this still existed, which meant once the dust settled and the orgasms had peaked and fallen, wed be back to where we were at the beginning of our conversation.
I broke