Worth the fight

pushed.”
    I should be happy at hearing her say she forgives me, but it’s what she’s not saying that gives me a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. 
    “ Will you give me a chance to make it up to you?”  I reach out for her hand.  She looks at my hand and then up to my eyes, but she doesn’t give me the hand I am reaching for like a lifeline as I begin to feel myself sink.
    “I’m not mad at you, Nico.  But I thought about some of th e things you said.  And you’re right.  We’re just too different.”
    My heartbeat pounds in my chest.  I forgot that I had told her she was better off with someone more like her.  Fucking William.  That was her response.  I want to break that stuffy asshole in two.  I can’t even look at her.  I need to get out with at least my dignity intact.  At least she let me say my p iece. 
    “Okay , Elle.”  She doesn’t try to stop me as I turn and make my way to the door.

Chapter 38
    Elle
    The next morning I find Regina sleeping on the couch.   Traitor.  She wakes as I’m making breakfast.  Okay, so maybe she didn’t wake, but instead I woke her up by slamming all the pots and pans I took out.  Some of them didn’t actually need to be taken out of the cabinet.  But those just looked extra loud.
    “I take it you hate me this morning?”  Regina walks into the kitchen rubbing her eyes.   “I’m sorry.  He looked so sad and, I thought…thought maybe there was a chance you could work it out.”
    “Did you not hear what I told you?  He thinks I’m a monster.  An unredeemable monster.  And he’s right.”
    “He said he was a monster.”
    “Only because he doesn’t know who I am.  And we’re keeping it that way.”  I look over at Regina for confirmation and she doesn’t look firm on her answer.  “Right, Regina?”
    My best friend makes a growl of frustration in response before I hear the words I need to hear.  “Of course, you know I would never tell your secrets.”
    Regina is my most trustworthy friend, yet I’m a little relieved to hear her recommit to our vow of secrecy.  She has a soft spot for Nico Hunter. 
    ***
    The next week passes in a blur.  I work twelve hours a day for seven days straight to catch up from the three days I spent wallowing in my self-pity.  There’s always plenty of work to do at my small firm, but ninety hours in a week isn’t really necessary and I know it.  But I need to keep myself busy.  I hate going home.  There’s nothing to do but think.  Think about a man that made my steady, even-keeled life into a roller coaster.  A roller coaster of emotions that I had forgot I was capable of experiencing. 
    My life was simple before Nico Hunter walked into it.  A good job, a nice guy to date, and no more nightmares.  For ten years I managed to keep my life steady.  I existed.  Then he walked in and suddenly existing wasn’t enough anymore.  And I wanted it.  I wanted to stop existing and start living.  Finally.  But I should have known it wouldn’t work.  Even at my weekly support group, I watched as people’s faces changed once they heard my story.  
    ***
    It’s Thursday evening and I’m late for meeting William.  We’re meeting a client we share at a restaurant.  It’s the last place Nico and I had dinner and just walking in stirs my emotions.  The slightest reminder is all it takes.
    William waves to me from the bar when I walk in.  He’s not seated at a table like he normally is when he waits for me because I’m late.
    “Hey.”  I look around for our client.  “Is Mr. Munley later than me?”
    William stands and kisses me on the c heek and smiles.  “He’s not coming till seven.” 
    “Oh, I thought it was six.”
    William sips his drink.  “That’s because I told you six.”
    I look at him confused, although I really have no right to be.  He continues, “ Munley doesn’t like to be kept waiting, so I told you six and him seven, so he wouldn’t be kept waiting.” William grins.
    I’m surprised, but I shouldn’t be. I smile at William and pretend to be offended.  “Are you accusing me of being perpetually late?” 
    “In all the years we’ve known each other, I don’t think you’ve ever once been on time.  You’re forgetting how we met.  I was the one that let you copy my notes when you walked in a half hour late to class every day.”
    He’s teasing me, but he’s right.  The only time I can even recall being on time was when I went to