Wuthering Heights

no idea how many,
I was just guessing.”
    ‘At that moment Cathy
started clucking like a chicken.
    ‘ “My wife is having an
attack of chicken,” said Edgar. “Has this happened before?”
    ‘ “Oh, yes,” I said. “It’s
usually followed by an attack of duck.” My warning was too late as Cathy
already started to quack.
    ‘ “There, there, dear,”
said Edgar.
    ‘She struggled to free
herself from his loving embrace, then she started to moo.
    ‘ “Nelly, this woman needs
help.”
    ‘ “Yes, master, shall I get
a doctor?”
    ‘Outside a terrible shock:
someone had hanged Miss Isabella’s dog on a hook in the wall with a
handkerchief. I thought it strange, you don’t often see a dog hanging on a
wall. While untying the knot, it seemed to me I repeatedly caught the beat of
horses’ hooves galloping at some distance. I was so right, what I heard was
indeed the beat of horses’ hooves galloping at some distance.
    ‘Fortunately Dr Kenneth was
just issuing from the home of a patient he had killed. “How are things at
Thrushcross?” he asked.
    ‘ “Well, that Heathcliff
rides in to court Miss Isabella,” I said.
    ‘ “Oh,” said Dr Kenneth,
pausing to pick up a few leeches he’d dropped. “Does she give him the cold
shower?” 12 he
asked.
    ‘ “No, it’s quite warm,” I
said.
    ‘When Dr Kenneth arrived at
Cathy she was sleeping, exhausted by her farmyard impressions.
    ‘ “Yes,” said Dr Kenneth.
“She has been suffering from farmyard impressions, and that will be fifty
pounds.”
    ‘ “Oh,” said Edgar, “Isn’t
that a bit much?”
    ‘ “Yes,” said Dr Kenneth.
“That’s why I ask for it.”
    ‘ “Supposing she has
another outbreak of farmyard impressions?”
    ‘ “Then”, said Dr Kenneth,
“send for the vet.”
    ‘Then a terrible shock, the
maid had found Miss Isabella’s bed empty! “She’s gone, sir,” she told nerd of
Thrushcross Grange.
    ‘ “Gone!” he said, and struck a dramatic pose. “She’s
gone.” It didn’t do much except give him tennis elbow at that painful moment.
    ‘Heathcliff and Isabella
were getting married.’

Chapter
XIII
    ------------
     
     
     
    OR TWO MONTHS, there was no news of
Isabella and Heathcliff who were on honeymoon in a bed at the YMCA. Meantime,
Greenwich meantime, Cathy was getting over being a lunatic. Ever since her
recovery, Dr Kenneth had cancelled all the farm feed she’d been eating: oats,
bran, grass, hay, chicken feed and duck mash. On the first day of Cathy’s
recovery Edgar had put on her pillow a handful of golden crocuses. She ate
them. “Those were the earliest flowers at Heights,” she said. “I shall never be
there, but once more,” said the lunatic, “and then you’ll leave me, and I shall
remain for ever.”
    ‘ “Despite that Linton
lavished his kindest caresses and a few quick gropes. They sat her by the fire
in the parlour. To entertain her Edgar blacked up as a minstrel, he sang her
minstrel songs, he played her the tambourine, he played the banjo. Then washing
it all off — he came on as a gypsy. He did a gypsy dance round the fire, he
played the violin, then as a Russian he did dances. Through all this Cathy
slept peacefully.
    ‘I got a letter from
Isabella:
     
    Dear Nelly
    I am here in Wuthering Heights. A
question I ask you — Is Heathcliff a man, or a devil? With that thing I don’t
know how he gets his trousers on.
    I have met Hareton, Edgar’s
nephew. At first I thought he was a clothes horse so ragged he was. I said
‘Hello, Hareton darling, can I give you a kiss?’
    ‘No, bugger off,’ he said.
‘I’m your aunty, darling,’
    I said. ‘Throttler, see
her? Get her boy!’ Hareton said, prodding a bull pit terrier, whereupon I fled
outside.
    I knocked on an outside
door. It was opened by a man wearing a beautiful body-clinging velvet dress
trimmed with white fur, his face was heavily made up. ‘Oh,’ he said
disappointingly. ‘I was hoping for a sailor.’
    ‘I am Mrs Heathcliff,’ I
said. The man clenched his fists. ‘One day I’ll kill him,’ he said. ‘Could I
have a date in advance?’ I said. ‘Monday 12 August,’ he said.
    So, Nelly, I sit and wait,
sometimes I stand and wait. I hate Heathcliff. I tell you, Nelly, never let a
big one fool you.
    Isabella.
     
    ‘I showed the letter to
Master Edgar, he looked in the envelope to see if there were any postal orders.
I asked him to forgive her.
    ‘ “Forgive? Never!” he
shouted. “All she can