Wuthering Heights

have is this Eccles cake.” Mr Edgar’s coldness depressed
me, about five inches.
    ‘So, as a dwarf, I set off
with the precious Eccles cake for Wuthering Heights. When I got there I entered
without knocking. Normally quite loud knocking emanates from me. Inside there
was never such a dirty dreary scene. If it had been me I would have swept the
hearth, dusted the table and legs. Then in came Isabella, her face hadn’t been
swept, her legs were all dusty, her hair hung down full of cobwebs. Heathcliff
was there. “Come, pull up a chair and sit down.”
    ‘I shook my head. “No, I’d
rather stand,” I said.
    ‘ “Very well, pull up a
chair and stand on it,” he said.
    ‘ “Isabella, m’am,” I said,
“Mr Edgar sent you this.”
    ‘ “Oh,” said Isabella with
tears in her eyes. “An Eccles cake.” She took it and pressed it to her breast,
nursing it like a baby. “Look, Heathcliff, an Eccles cake,” she said.
    ‘Heathcliff took it and ate
it. Then, putting one hand behind his bottom, he said in a strained voice,
“Just pushing ’em back in. Look, Nelly, we don’t want you to go back empty-handed.
Here, here is a six-inch nail. Put it in your bag. I’m sure you’ll find a use
for it.”
    ‘I told him that Mr Edgar
would not allow him to see Cathy. “He says you must leave England and go to the
land of your curry.”
    ‘Heathcliff was trying to
go white with rage, but could only manage cream. “It seems,” he said, “your
master should have nothing but humanity and sense of duty to fall back on.”
    ‘ “No,” I said. “As far as
I know the only thing he’s got to fall back on is the floor.”
    ‘Heathcliff shot his hands
in his pockets and moved the bulge. “I will see Cathy,” he shouted.
“She’s still good for a few weekends in Brighton.” He paused, then said, “Yes,
I was a fool to fancy for the moment that she valued Linton’s attachment more
than mine, though I haven’t used my attachment since the honeymoon.” He then
took the dog, Throttler, and threw him out of the window. “It’s time for his
walk,” he said. Then walking back and forth, forth and back — once he just went
forth and forth and didn’t come back — he said, “If ever Linton did anything to
Cathy, I’d tear his heart out and drink his blood.”
    ‘ “You can’t,” I said.
“He’s Rhesus negative.”
    ‘ “Blast,” he said.
    ‘ “Any encounter between
you and the master would kill her altogether.”
    ‘ “Kill her altogether?
Rubbish!” he said. “Her legs might go numb but that will soon wear off. Just
plunge them into hot water.”
    ‘Isabella came to me. “Did
you bring nothing from Linton save an Eccles cake?” she asked.
    ‘ “Nothing,” I replied.
“That’s why my basket is empty except a six-inch nail.” Isabella returned to
her corner to do haddock-stretching for supper.
    ‘ “Let me tell you, Mr
Heathcliff, by now Cathy has forgotten you.”
    ‘ “Arggh, no! Nelly,” he
said. “You know as well as I do, for every thought she spends on Linton, she
spends a thousand on me. I am 999 thoughts ahead of him.” He threw Isabella a
fresh haddock to stretch. “Two words,” he said. “Two words would explain my
life without Cathy. Two words: death and hell.”
    ‘ “That’s three words,” I said.
    ‘As he stood with his back
to the fire. There came a burning smell. The back of his trousers was
scorching. “Tush!” he said, beating out the fire on the back of his trousers.
“Listen Nelly, Linton is no degree dearer to Cathy than her dog or her horse,
her chicken, or duck.” ‘In a fit of pique, Isabella threw her haddock to the
ground. “Catherine and Edgar love each other even though they don’t often do
it,” she said.
    ‘ “Tush, woman, get on with
your haddock-stretch-ing,” he snarled.
    ‘I spoke to him sternly.
“Mrs Heathcliff is used to the life of gentle lady, brought up to do bugger-all
all day.”
    ‘ “Listen to this, Nelly,”
he said. “Isabella, do you really hate me? If I let you alone for an
hour, wouldn’t you come sighing and wheedling to me. My God, Nelly, only
yesterday she wheedled at me for three hours! In the end she suffered wheedle
withdrawals, and she’s not even a good shag. All she says is when are
you going to stop, it’s breakfast time.”
    ‘ “That’s no good, Mr
Heathcliff, you must treat her like a lady every morning. She should be dusted
and polished.”
    ‘ “You see, Nelly,” he
said, “I