You Look Different in Real Life

down.”
    When we’ve followed Pam’s directions and we’re back on the ground with everyone, Leslie comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder.
    “That was so cool,” she says.
    I just take off my mic and hand it to her.
    “Why don’t you guys go find Rory and Felix and tell them to come over.”
    I walk ahead to the spot where we last saw Rory and Felix, and I can hear the rustling behind me that means Nate is following. When we get there, however, we find no trace of them.
    “Felix?” I call.
    “Over here!”
    I follow the sound of his voice, toward the creek, and peer down to see him and Rory sitting together on the bank, each holding a stick and poking the water, as if they’re trying to stop it. Nate is right behind me.
    “You guys are up,” I say. I can’t tell if they’ve been talking or not. Felix looks a little relieved to be rescued from the situation.
    “How was it?” he asks as he climbs up the bank.
    I look back at Nate and we exchange a look. “Not bad,” I tell Felix. “You’ll do fine.”
    “Ha,” says Felix. He pauses to wait for Rory, and when she catches up to him, not even glancing at either Nate or me, they walk off toward the others.
    Nate and I watch them go for as long as it gives us an excuse not to look at or talk to each other.
    “Felix has never done any bouldering,” I say when they’re finally out of sight.
    “He’s afraid of heights,” says Nate, and steps down toward the creek, sitting in the same spot Felix just occupied.
    “He is?” I ask, following him, but I don’t sit where Rory sat. I pick another rock, on Nate’s other side, farther away. “I didn’t know that.”
    “Well, he used to be, at least. When we were little I could never get him to climb anything.” Nate shakes his head. “I’m really surprised he’s going along with this, but I guess he wants to save face.”
    “They told him he’d be the . . .” I don’t want to say star . “Focus. This time around.”
    Nate frowns a bit, seems disappointed. Hurt, even. “I didn’t know that.”
    We’re silent for a moment. Nate and I have found a way to interact: Talk about other people, not ourselves. Where else can I go with this?
    “Are you worried about Keira?” I ask.
    “Yes,” he says flatly.
    The expression on his face, the expression that’s still overwhelmingly protective, gets to me. And then I realize that Felix is not the person I should be talking to about my idea. It is Nate.
    Should I do this? Suddenly I’m just way too curious to see what would happen if I did.
    “I was thinking,” I say slowly after a few seconds, “that I would go find her.”
    Nate turns to me, eyebrows raised. “She said not to.”
    “She said that to her father and Lance and Leslie. She didn’t say it to us.”
    He pauses, realizing this is true. “ You would go find her?”
    “Me, and Felix.”
    “You weren’t going to tell me about this?”
    No, I wasn’t. Isn’t it obvious why?
    “I didn’t think you’d be . . . interested. You seem very committed to doing everything they want you to.”
    Nate’s shoulders droop a bit. I’m right, I guess. “I’m interested,” he says. “For Keira’s sake.”
    “Okay.” I flash on the image of Nate and me together in search of Keira. It doesn’t seem possible that this could actually take place.
    “But how do we know where to start?”
    “I’ve got that figured out. I just need to get to the house before they do so I can use the phone.” Silence again. We watch the water.
    Finally, casually, Nate says: “I’ve got just the thing.”
    Half an hour later, we’re all ready to head back to the house. Rory and Felix took much longer with their climbing game, and Felix returned looking disgusted with himself. Now we’re supposed to make lunch together in the enormous kitchen, and eat it together, and process everything from the morning and talk about it in a stringof golden cinematic truths.
    I plan my timing carefully. Right after Leslie removes the battery on her camera to replace it with a fresh one, I start grabbing my stomach.
    “Are you okay?” asks Leslie.
    “Yeah, I’m just getting some cramps. I’ll be fine.”
    Two minutes later as we start to walk, I stop dramatically in my tracks and clutch my stomach again, try to seem panicked. I feel Pam’s hand on my shoulder. She looks pretty ridiculous, with the big crash pad on her back like she’s dressed up for Halloween as a giant bar of soap.
    “Justine, what’s