You Look Different in Real Life

that address and bang on the door?”
    Nate shrugs. “We have to start somewhere. I’m pretty sure that’s what Keira is doing. Or has already done.” He glazes over for a second, maybe picturing how that situation played out.
    “Well, before we do anything, I’ve gotta make a pit stop,” I say, and he snaps out of it.
    Felix has to go too, and we walk into the building together, then separate when we get to the restrooms. When I come out, I find Felix in the snack shop, clutching to his chest a bag of trail mix and a bottle of radioactive orange sports drink.
    “Please, Mom?” he says, pushing out his lower lip in a mock-pout. “It just ain’t a road trip without munchies.”
    I’m a sucker for Felix calling me Mom, and also for anything that makes me feel like what we’re doing is fun.
    When we get back to the car, snacks in hand, Rory has taken my seat in the front and is busy typing something into Nate’s phone.
    “She offered to navigate,” says Nate, noticing my confused and not unterritorial expression. “She said she’s good at that.”
    “She is,” I say, accepting the new arrangement. I slide into the backseat, then dangle the trail mix bag at him. “Care for a cashew?”
    He takes one, then sees the price sticker. “Seven ninety-nine? Are you crazy? That’s, like, a quarter a nut! We have to be careful with our cash if it’s going to last.”
    “I’ve got some left. How much do you have?”
    “Well, I’ve got my debit card and about . . .” He checks his pocket for his wallet, but doesn’t find it. Checks the other one. Something bad crosses his face. “Oh.”
    “Oh, what?”
    “I may have forgotten to grab my wallet.”
    “You may have.”
    “I was so focused on the phone and the music . . .” He bangs on the steering wheel, then collapses until his forehead is resting on it. “I’m an idiot.”
    Giving him a hard time about this won’t help anyone, plus the self-chastising thing is cute. I say nothing until Nate raises his head, takes a deep breath, and starts the car. “I guess we can borrow money from Dylan, if we need it.” He pulls out of our space and toward the thruway on-ramp. “And Keira’s got Leslie’s wallet, if and when we find her.”
    I look at the fuel tank gauge. It’s still almost full. Is itpossible that my sister had the foresight to gas up her car before coming to get us? Olivia does have her moments of clarity. Suddenly, I love her like crazy.
    Which reminds me of the Secret MasterCard.
    Olivia’s recurring moment of un clarity is that she’s got two purses, and her wallet often ends up in the one she’s not carrying. She’ll go shopping, load up her cart with several deals of the century, then find herself with no form of payment at the checkout counter. After the third or fourth episode like this, she decided to stash one of her two credit cards under the detritus-encrusted floor mat in the backseat of her car. “If someone is brave enough to touch that thing in search of stuff to steal,” she told me, “they deserve a spending spree on me.”
    Suddenly, there’s the comfort of a valuable secret. I know how to forge my sister’s signature. We have financial backup, should circumstances call for it. I decide not to share this information with the others just yet and don’t think too much about why.
    It seems like the less we think about anything right now, the better.
    Nate rolls down his window halfway as the car climbs back into high gear. The air hits me fresh and delicious, whistling promises I can’t quite hear. All I know is this, which feels like enough:
    We are on the road again.
    We’ve crossed into New Jersey now, no longer on the thruway but a route that takes us down a choked-up corridor of chain stores and shopping centers.
    Felix hasn’t spoken once since we left the rest area, and this is so unlike him, I’m starting to worry. I reach out and put my hand on his leg, and he jumps.
    “Shit, Justine.” he says.
    “You’re sorry you came.”
    He doesn’t answer. I guess it’s not a question.
    After a few moments, he turns away and says, “I was really hoping this movie was my chance for . . . something.”
    I want to say, You didn’t have to come , but I know it’s not true.
    Instead I say, “It still will be. It still is. You know Lance and Leslie. They’ll make whatever they can of what they end up with.” Then I look down at the camera in my hand and add, “Don’t forget about this.”
    Felix