You Suck: A Love Story

how easy that was,” Tommy said.
    Jody glared at him without letting go, her breath rasping through her nose as she fed. She thought, I should have hit him harder when I had the chance. Finally, when she felt she’d taken enough to sustain her, but not enough to hurt the huge cat guy, she pulled away, sat down, and looked up at Tommy.
    “You’ve got a little-” Tommy gestured to the corner of her mouth.
    She wiped her mouth with her hand, came away with a little lipstick and a little blood. She looked at William’s neck. It’s was sort of a dirt-gray color, with a white spot rimmed in lipstick. The punctures from her fangs had already healed, but the lipstick sort of stood out like a target. She reached over and wiped the lipstick off with her palm, then wiped her palm off on the huge cat’s sweater. Chet purred.
    William snored. Jody climbed to her feet.
    “How was it?” Tommy asked.
    “How do you think it was? It was necessary.”
    “Well, I mean, when you used to bite me it was kind of a sexual thing.”
    “Oh, right,” Jody snapped. “I planned all this because I wanted to fuck the huge cat guy.” She was feeling a little light-headed for some reason.
    “Sorry. We should get him off ofMarket Street,” Tommy said, “before he gets robbed or arrested. He’s got to have some of the money left. That much alcohol would have killed him.”
    “The hell do you care, writer boy? You shaved and ate his cat. Or was that a sexual thing?” She was definitely feeling light-headed.
    “That was a mutual-”
    “Oh, bullshit. Bite him. See how sexual it is. Get a taste of that down-home human hemoglobin goodness, Tommy. Don’t be a wuss,” Jody said. Well, he was being a wuss.
    Tommy stepped back. “You’re drunk.”
    “And you’re being a wuss,” Jody said. “Wuss, wuss, wuss.”
    “Help me. Take his feet. There’s a sheltered alcove over by the Federal Reserve building across the street. He can sleep it off there.”
    Jody bent to take the guy’s feet, but they seemed to move as she reached for them, and when she corrected, she missed, and fell forward, catching herself so that she was on all fours with her ass in the air.
    “Yeah, that worked,” Tommy said. “How about you take Chet and I’ll carry the huge cat guy?”
    “Whadever, Mr. Wussyman,” Jody said. Maybe she was a little tipsy. In the old days, prevampire days, she’d tried to stay away from alcohol, because it turned out that she was sort of an obnoxious drunk. Or that’s what her ex-friends had told her.
    Tommy picked up Chet the huge cat, who squirmed as he held him out to Jody. “Take him.”
    “You are not the head vampire here,” Jody said.
    “Fine,” Tommy said. He slung Chet under his arm and, in a single movement, scooped up the huge cat guy and threw him over his shoulder with the other arm. “Careful crossing the street,” Tommy called back to her as he crossed.
    “Ha!” Jody said. “I am a finely tuned predator. I am a superbeing. I-” And at that point she bounced her forehead off a light pole with a dull twang and was suddenly lying on her back looking at the streetlights above her, which kept going out of focus, the bastards.
    “I’ll be back to get you,” Tommy called.
    He’s so sweet, Jody thought.

6 – Do Animals Get the Blues?
    Clint was the only one of the Animals still left at the Marina Safeway. He was tall, with a wild mop of dark hair and thick, horn-rimmed glasses that were held together with medical tape, and he had a look of deep panic on his face. He’d been trying to keep the store together for nearly a week with only a couple of stock boys from the day crew, and a porter from a temp service (even Gustavo, the Mexican porter with five kids, had taken off with the Animals), but now a huge order had come in on the truck and he knew he needed professionals. He dialed Tommy’s number for the fifth time that night. It was four in the morning, but Tommy was their leader-and perhaps the best frozen-turkey bowler the world had ever known. He knew what it meant to be an Animal; he would be awake.
    The machine beeped. Clint said, “Dude, they’re all gone. I need your help. It’s just me, some temps, and the Lord tonight.” Clint had been recently reborn after five years in a drug-induced haze. He swore that the Lord would forever be on his night crew. “The guys took off for Vegas. Call me. No, just bring your box cutter and come to work. I’m buried.”
    Once they had been nine