After the Fall

nervous energy, but the thick block of heavy weight encasing my leg wouldn’t let me, and it reminded me why I’d been so wound up to begin with.
    Ryan moved to the side, lying next to me so he was no longer on top. “Nathan?”
    “Listen, I’m . . .” I bit my lip, embarrassment and frustration vying for dominance. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, my heart sinking as the mood quickly died.
    “What’s wrong?” His hand came to rest on my shoulder, a reassuring touch from the same hand that had been teasing me a moment ago.
    I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “It’s stupid.”
    He squeezed my arm gently. “Try me.”
    “I’m kind of a . . . control freak, I guess. Only time I ever tried handcuffs or anything like that, I freaked out, and it wasn’t because I didn’t trust the guy I was with. I just didn’t like being confined. I need to know, at any given moment, that I can take myself out of a situation.” I tapped the edge of a fingernail on my cast. “And with this thing? I can barely get out of a chair without help. In a way, it’s like a handcuff I can’t take off.” I sighed. “And it makes me feel like I couldn’t put a stop to things if I wanted to.”
    Ryan took my hand. “We don’t have to go any further if you aren’t comfortable.”
    I exhaled, equal parts embarrassed and relieved. “I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t be.” He reached down and pulled the sheet up over us. Its coolness underscored the warmth of his body still pressed against mine. Both relief and guilt crept in. He wasn’t pushing and he hadn’t gotten upset, which made me feel even guiltier for putting a stop to things.
    I turned toward him and combed my fingers through his hair. “For the record, it’s not that I don’t trust you. I wouldn’t have gone this far with you if I didn’t. I—”
    “I understand,” he said softly. “You’re with someone new, and you’ve got that thing”—he nodded toward my cast—“keeping you from moving. You don’t have to justify yourself.”
    “But I do want us to . . .” I swallowed, wondering when I’d turned into a school kid who couldn’t say the words. “Just not tonight.”
    “Relax.” He touched my face, and his long, gentle kiss was so sweet it almost brought tears to my eyes. “You won’t have the cast on forever, and I’m not in any hurry.”
    “A few—” I blinked, drawing back so I could see him. “You’re willing to wait? Until the cast comes off?”
    “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
    “I don’t . . .” Because no other man I’ve ever dated would have been . “I don’t know.”
    “I want you to enjoy this too,” he said. “If you’re not comfortable, then . . .”
    “Thank you,” I whispered, and kissed him.
    I didn’t expect the kiss to last, but it did. Ryan was tentative again, not timid now so much as cautious, but as I held him tighter, he did the same to me, and his hardening cock brushed my hip.
    He quickly drew back. “Sorry, I’m—”
    “Don’t be.” I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “I still . . . I want you to come.”
    “I thought you wanted to stop,” he said as he leaned in to kiss me again. “If you don’t want— oh , fuck.” His whole body tensed as I closed my hand around his cock. I stroked him slowly until he was fully hard again.
    “Even if we aren’t going to fuck tonight,” I whispered, “I still want you to come.”
    He groaned softly. His hand rested on my stomach. “I want to make you come too. But only . . . I don’t want to push you if . . .”
    I gently grasped his wrist and guided his hand down to my own erection. He didn’t hesitate. His fingers closed around me, and we stroked each other at the same frantic speed. We panted against each other’s lips, thrust into each other’s hands, tried to kiss and hold on to each other but couldn’t find a rhythm that wasn’t faster, faster, please don’t stop, faster . . .
    “Get on top,” I said.
    He hesitated. “You won’t be able to move.”
    I tapped a knuckle on my cast. “I can’t move anyway.” I kissed him again. “I trust you. Get on top.”
    “But you . . . you said it bothers you.” He ran his fingers down the side of my face. “If you can’t move.”
    “Will you stop if I ask you to?”
    Drawing back a little, he nodded. “Of course.”
    “Then I’ll be okay. As long as I know you’ll stop . . .”
    He chewed his lip. “I just don’t want to freak you out.”
    “You won’t.”
    He