Again (Brandy Jeffus)

through?”
    His smile is sad as he answers, “Yeah, yeah I did actually. The first year on the force, I busted her for prostitution. She’d turn into a crack whore basically. Her teeth were all rotted out, her body wasted away to nothing. She didn’t recognize me, she was barely coherent. And when I saw her and arrested her, my heart just went out to you. That I did that to you with her and look at what kind of person she ended up being.”
    He drops his head and runs his fingers through his hair. A huge weight has been lifted off. I move toward the bed and move his arm so I can sit on his lap. He doesn’t look at me as he leans his head against my chest.
    “Everything happens for a reason right? It was a long time ago and it’s over now. Now we can move on. Thank you for telling me. I know that sucked for you.”
    “I love you, so much," he whispers.
    “I know. I love you, too.”
    “I was such an idiot. I don't know how many times I wished I could go back and just beat the shit out of my younger self,” He shakes his head, his eyes looking sad.
    “Ha! It wouldn't have done much good. You were kind of arrogant back then. You thought you knew everything.”
    “Hey! I wasn't that bad was I?”
    “No, you weren’t. You were the best. And you still are.”
    “No I’m not. You were always the better half.”
    We kiss then. Talking about the past has worn me out. My insides feel weird and my nerves are on edge. I just want to enjoy Eli now, and think about the good memories we have, not the bad ones. But one more secret had to be shared in order to really move on. A secret of my own.
    “Eli, I have to tell you something, too.”
    “Uh-oh. That’s kind of scary sounding,” A slight frown forms on his strong face.
    I shake my head, “Not scary, just sad.”
    I scoot off his lap and settle beside him. It has been years since I’ve thought about this. It has been buried deep within my heart, right alongside Eli; memories I tried to get rid of, hide my heart from.
    I take a deep breath, wipe away the silent tears that have already started flowing and begin with a shaky voice, “A month after you broke up with me, I found out I was pregnant.”
    I pause for a minute and let it sink in. Confusion replaces the worry on his face.
    “I was going to tell you. I was so scared because I had no idea what I was going to do. I mean, I still loved you and wanted you, but I knew you didn’t feel the same. I told Mama and she said to wait until I was past the first trimester.
    “I made it to month four. I was starting to get excited about the whole thing. I was even excited to tell you, because I knew that no matter what, you would be there for me. On the day I was going to tell you, I started cramping really bad. Then, I started bleeding and Mama took me to the doctor. I miscarried.”
    Eli’s eyes are glistening with tears. He grabs my face with both his hands and stares in my eyes. My chest is so tight with the memory. His thumbs wipe away the tears and stroke my cheeks.
    “I figured that it wouldn’t do much good telling you after the fact. So I never did.”
    He shakes his head and pulls me in for a kiss. When we part, he whispers, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone, baby doll. You shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
    We sit there and cry. We weep for each other, for our unborn baby that never had a chance, for drunken mistakes and lost relationships.
    And then, we make love, because in the end the past is the past. It cannot be changed, only learned from. Finally, we found our way back to one another and our future is unwritten.
    ***
    Since she didn’t have a permanent mailing address, the only way her sister could send her a letter was through email. And even then, Bonnie had to be in a place that had free Wi-Fi in order to check it. She was really roughing it sometimes, she thought. All in the name of love and rock and roll.
    That afternoon, she had a few hours to kill alone while Mick and the guys were performing sound checks and practicing. It was beginning to be the same old stuff day after day.
    Bonnie was lonely. The road was not all the fun Mick had promised. She sighed as she opened her laptop and pulled up her email. There were 3 emails in a row from Tatum. Two of them had picture attachments. The last one simply stated: “CALL ME ASAP!”
    She picked up her phone, grateful it had been turned on the previous day. There were many times she went without conveniences in order for