Baby Be Mine

them blabbing about it to all and sundry.’
    ‘They wouldn’t do that,’ my mum snaps.
    ‘Yes, they would,’ I insist.
    ‘You’re going to have to tell them at some point. They’re family. They have a right to know.’
    ‘Yes, but we need time to get used to all this. It’s a very strange situation for Johnny, too. He wants to spend some time with Barney, get to know him without the press interfering.’
    ‘Has he got any other kids?’ Dad asks.
    ‘No!’ I exclaim.
    He shrugs. ‘I just thought, well, these rock stars . . . They often have secret offspring hidden away. They do get around a bit.’
    ‘Dad!’ I cry.
    ‘Geoffrey!’ Mum cries simultaneously.
    My dad looks defensive. ‘It wouldn’t be that surprising, I didn’t think.’
    I feel sick again. Can you imagine? If Barney weren’t his only illegitimate child . . . If there were more mothers like me out there, that he’s been looking after, paying off . . . But, no. I would have known it. I was his PA – he couldn’t have kept that from me. Could he? And that look on his face . . . I’m sure Barney is his first. I hope for all our sakes he’ll be his last.
    God, how horrid, though. As if this doesn’t feel tainted enough.
    ‘You alright, love?’ Dad asks.
    ‘Actually, I’m very tired. Would you mind if I turned in?’ I push my chair out from the table.
    ‘Of course not,’ Mum says, getting up and taking my plate.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
    ‘It’s okay,’ she responds brightly. ‘Next door’s dog can finish it off. He’s always hanging around out at the front.’
    ‘I didn’t mean my dinner,’ I say, ‘although I am sorry about that, too. I’m sorry for . . . all this.’
    Mum nods. Dad gives me a sympathetic smile and rubs my shoulder.
    ‘These things are put here to challenge us,’ he says. ‘But you’ll make it through. Better the truth comes out now than in a few years.’
    ‘Yes,’ Mum agrees.
    ‘I just wish I hadn’t done it.’ I stare ahead in a daze.
    ‘No, you don’t,’ Mum says shrewdly.
    I look at her with astonishment.
    ‘If you hadn’t done it, Barney wouldn’t be in our lives. None of us would change that for the world.’

 
  Chapter 18  
    It smells of flowers, here. Jasmine and roses and lavender. Grasse is the perfume capital of the world, and it’s beautiful. I only wish I could enjoy it under better circumstances.
    Barney and I have been here for three weeks. Last week, he took his first steps. I felt like both Christian and Johnny should have been there, but at least my parents were here to share the moment – even if it was a touch bittersweet.
    Barney loves having his doting grandparents around. It’s nice to have their company – and their help – but it’s also harder in some ways. I feel a bit useless when I’m not running my own household. That sounds very Women’s Institute, but it’s true. Plus, I have far too much time on my hands to reflect on the mess I’ve made of things.
    I’ve had no contact with Christian. He doesn’t answer my calls. I’ve only tried him three times, but I daren’t call him again. I can’t bear to endure the torture of an endlessly ringing phone.
    True to his word, Johnny calls me soon after we arrive in Grasse. He makes arrangements to come and visit us in the middle of August. My parents are horrified to hear that he’s planning on staying in a hotel.
    ‘He can stay here,’ my mum insists.
    ‘No!’ I hastily brush her off.
    ‘What, is our house not good enough for him? Not five-star enough?’ Dad chips in.
    ‘It’s not that,’ I reply.
    ‘What is it, then?’ Mum asks sarkily.
    ‘I don’t know . . .’ I respond. ‘What if people realised he was here?’
    ‘People are far more likely to recognise him if he stays in a hotel,’ Mum points out.
    ‘Not if Lena manages to secure all the rooms.’
    ‘Oh, well, if he’s got a whole hotel to himself . . . Who’d want to stay in a measly four-bedroom house?’ Dad snipes.
    ‘Who’s Lena?’ Mum asks.
    ‘His PA,’ I say as an aside, then to Dad: ‘It’s not like that.’
    ‘His PA?’ Dad changes the subject. ‘Is he having it off with her, too?’
    ‘No, Dad!’ I cry. ‘She’s married!’
    ‘Didn’t stop him when Christian was around.’
    ‘Christian and I weren’t married.’ I try to stay cool.
    ‘You may as well have been,’ Dad says gruffly. ‘Christian was his best friend. If he does that to his best friend, why wouldn’t he start on