Behind the Albergue Door: Inspiration Agony Adventure on the Camino de Santiago

Oasis songs, the Wins Above Replacement baseball statistic, the evolution of the pinky toe, things like that. Strange things. Disturbing things. Things like how one can draw a lot of unexpected parallels between hiking the Camino de Santiago and the long-running television series Survivor. For those of you unfamiliar with Survivor, it is a reality program that dumps 18-20 divergent Americans into a wilderness situation, usually tropical, where they spend up to 39 days attempting to survive the elements, succeed at physical and mental challenges and outlast their fellow competitors as people are voted off one by one. Highlights usually include a variety of awful beards, a few ludicrously buxom girls in tiny bikinis and at least one sassy black woman who drives everyone crazy within the first two days. Jeff Probst oversees the whole dramatic adventure with a mixture of witty antagonism, suspiciously prominent dimples and a closet full of safari shirts.
    The following is a lesson in the dangers of a lack of external mental stimulation. Don’t blame me, blame the guy who monopolized the electrical outlet so that I wasn’t able to charge up my iPod before spending a long hot afternoon trudging across the bleak featureless fields of the Meseta.
    Survivor vs. Camino Comparison
    Living with strangers
    You go immediately from your normal life with family, friends and tolerably familiar co-workers to spending large portions of every day surrounded by strangers of all ages, and from all walks of life, most of whom choose to wear highly inappropriate clothing in order to exude a certain contrived identity. And trust me when I tell you that some of the albergues aren’t that different from a bamboo shelter in the bush.
    Tight living scenarios
    Far from the spacious king beds and multiple bathrooms of home, suddenly you find yourself sleeping in virtual contact with people you hardly know and who unfailingly smell like rice.
    Physical hardships
    Pushing your body beyond anything it has previously experienced in the interest of reaching a lofty but difficult goal. However, unlike on Survivor, where the winner receives a million dollars and the dubiously prestigious title of “Sole Survivor”, finishing the Camino only entitles you to a paper certificate and hours spent showing your friends on a map exactly where you walked before they eventually pretend to be impressed.
    Exposure to the elements
    Under normal circumstances, sane people go to great lengths to avoid suffering the harsh effects of inclement weather. In fact, this desire is universally considered one of life’s basic necessities along with food, water and internet access. Yet on both Survivor and the Camino contestants/pilgrims voluntarily put themselves at the mercy of the great outdoors – heat, cold, rain, wind, insects, infections, mischievous rodents. And smells, so many smells.
    Alliances
    Originally considered a despicable form of cheating, alliances have become standard practice on Survivor and follow much the same pattern on the Camino. From the day one scramble for acceptance, to the desperate attempts to ingratiate yourself with a new group as yours is slowly decimated by failure and circumstance, to strategic manoeuvring in an attempt to control who you share your triumphant Santiago arrival with, it’s all very tactical, calculated and Grade 7 girl passing notes in class.
    Romance
    One of the more surprising developments was how frequently romantic entanglements occurred. Surprising, if for no other reason than the fact we all spent every day wearing the same clothes, sweating incessantly, and brushing our teeth far less than was recommended by that giant animated tooth in the video they made us watch as kids. And I would argue that it seems at least a little bit inappropriate that during an endeavour promoted as a solitary journey of accomplishment, reflection and self-discovery, or a cutthroat game of individual accomplishment, one would suddenly find themselves struggling with the bra clasp of an “account executive” from San Diego.
    Betrayal
    Alliances are built on loyalty, trust and the sharing of bland tasteless food. Which is why it hurts even more when that trust is shattered - when you find yourself suddenly voted off for being too likeable, or left behind in León because you are too hung over to keep up. Whether your friends don’t agree with your proposed strategy, or simply decide they need to go it alone, or callously better deal