Botanicaust

resume life with his people.
    “ I understand, ” she said. The vacuum left where her heart had been made it hard to breathe.
    Nodding, Levi let go of her hands and continued to walk, the crop debris crunching beneath her calloused feet. Samuel diverged toward a smudge of houses and trees on the horizon while Levi led Tula the other direction. Concern for Eily warred with Tula ’ s burning desire to see Papa, all echoing with the realization of what life here at the Holdout would mean for her. Conformity, yet shunning. A place to be safe, yet never belong.
    As they approached the stone building, a man came out. He placed a wide-brimmed hat squarely on his head and crossed his arms. “ I was told you were coming. ”
    “ T - Katie ’ s here to see her father. ”
    “ Peter ’ s indisposed. ”
    “ Papa! ” Tula called, her voice weak. More than she could have imagined, she needed Papa — the comfort of his arms around her small shoulders. Her insides quivered with nerves. Levi had just rejected her. Not Papa, too? He ’ d let her inside the gate. He wanted to see her. “ Papa? ”
    No answer.
    The pain in Tula ’ s chest engulfed her. Tears slid unbidden down both cheeks.
    “ Take her away, Levi. ” The man refused to look at her.
    “ I don ’ t want to have to force the issue. Let us pass. ”
    “ I won ’ t stop you. But he ’ s not here. He ’ s indisposed. ”
    “ Where? ”
    “ I can ’ t rightly say. ”
    The muscles of Levi ’ s jaw bulged. Taking her hand, he pulled her away with a little too much force. She stumbled on the gravel road. “ Sorry, ” Levi mumbled, letting go of her and slowing to let her regain her balance.
    She wiped at her eyes with the backs of her wrists. If Papa wouldn ’ t see her, she could tend to Eily. “ Can we go see Eily? ”
    Levi nodded and led her toward town. She wanted to hold his hand so badly she ached, but knew better than to indulge in the familiarity. As they drew near the line of houses, more and more emptiness overwhelmed her. Longing sucked the strength from her as she scoured the brick buildings for something she recognized. Although they were all very similar — plain, rectangular brick homes with steep roofs and covered porches — none belonged in her memory. “ I didn ’ t live here. ”
    “ No. Peter ’ s old place was one of the Englisch field homes. ” He pointed across the rolling plain to a swell with a giant tree and another structure. The blades of a windmill twisted in the breeze. She couldn ’ t see it well enough to judge. “ Past the Blecher place. You can ’ t see it from here. ”
    Then she remembered the long walks to school with Eli. She searched for the small schoolhouse with the bell at the front door. A wooden swing-set peeked around the side of the building. She recalled a teeter-totter. And a baseball diamond. Were there children inside the school right now? She drifted toward the building, but Levi called, “ This way. ”
    She stopped, looked longingly at the brick wall inset with tall windows, and followed Levi. She would not be welcome there, either. She couldn ’ t go back. Her only direction could be forward. To keep herself and Eily safe.
    At a red brick home with a wide porch, he opened the door and led her inside. Polished wood plank floors held hand woven rag rugs, and the room they entered smelled like a combination of cooked meat and a pungent vegetal odor. Cabbage. A big wooden table — a dining table, she recalled — occupied the center of the room. Cabinets of the same wood planks as the floor circled the walls. In a corner stood a smaller table and a stack of chairs. A device she recognized as an oven with a cooktop stove. Fragments of memory made her dizzy as the names for everything returned to her.
    From a partially open accordion wall came the arguing voices of a man and a woman.
    Levi let go of her hand and headed that direction. “ Samuel? Beth? ”
    A woman emerged, dark purple dress covered by a black apron. Her cheeks were flushed from crying. “ Levi. You should not have asked him — ” She looked toward Tula. With a gasp, she clutched the neckline of her dress.
    “ Beth, it ’ s all right. This is Tu - Katie. ”
    “ Katie. ” The woman repeated, breathing like she ’ d been running. “ Katie! ”
    A memory tugged at Tula. “ Bethy? ” A … cousin? … called Bethany used to watch her and Eli when Mama went to quilting.
    “ It ’ s not — you can ’ t — did