Bullheaded

himself to the inevitable. He waited ’til the truck pulled onto the shoulder, stirring up a cloud of dust, and peered into the open window, relieved to see it was only RJ at the wheel.
    “I’m going to town. Need a lift?”
    “Thanks.” Johnny threw his bags in the back and got in. After five miles he ventured a sidelong glance at RJ, but the big man didn’t say anything. It was one of the more restful things about him. If it had been Travis, he would have talked his ear off and argued with him not to leave until Johnny either caved and went back or shot him to shut him up.
    RJ drove directly to the Amtrak station, and Johnny wondered if Cody had told him to come get him. It pissed him off, but it was the last favor Cody could do for him once he was away from here, and he wasn’t going to take it out of RJ’s hide.
    “Thanks for the lift, RJ.” They shook hands. “Tell Travis goodbye for me.” He didn’t dare trust his voice to send a message to Cody’s parents.
    “Take care of yourself, Johnny.”
    After he got his bags out of the back, Johnny watched RJ drive away. Somehow it was a fitting end to the whole thing. He knew RJ cared, but appreciated that his habitual reserve had kept him from probing and asking questions. At least Cody would know he’d made it to the station okay and his responsibility was done.
    When Johnny went to the window to buy his ticket to Chicago, he felt oddly free. And also completely miserable.

    C ODY wanted everyone to shut up, just shut the fuck up. He pushed his breakfast around on his plate without tasting it, but he drank his second cup of coffee in a vain attempt to stem the tide of hangover headache he was already drowning in.
    Yet his parents, RJ, and Travis all kept chattering as if this were a normal day and there wasn’t a huge sucking hole in his chest or an empty place on the bench at his side.
    For sure RJ had to know Johnny was gone, as he’d driven Johnny to the train station and left him there, but he was acting as if nothing was wrong. Maybe RJ hadn’t told anyone else; that would be like him. Now Cody glared across the table at RJ, who seemed completely unaware of it, as he never looked up from eating.
    Travis, on the other hand, could just keep his smug, sympathetic looks to himself! He kept peering over to see how Cody was taking it. That was the problem with living your life where other people could see it. They could see when things were great as they should be, but also when it was all fucked up too. As long as they realized it was Johnny who had fucked up. Cody was sure they were all blaming him for the break when it was clearly Johnny’s fault. Because he’d done nothing but make things easy for Johnny, and even offered him a paying job for the summer.
    Now Johnny would have to travel by train and get used to staying in cheap motels again if he wanted to live within his actual salary. Serve him right too.
    Still chewing, RJ and Travis rose promptly from the table when they were done and banged out the screen door. Fine! If they wanted to avoid him, just fine. He’d show them by being the most professional bucking-bull trainer and contractor ever, that’s all. And top bull rider! He’d ride ’til he was seventy if he wanted to! And if they thought they could get him to talk about it, let them try.
    He stared into coffee that had grown cold until his mother called his name.
    “RJ told us Johnny left last night, Cody,” she said. “From the look of things, I’d say this wasn’t your idea.”
    “No,” he grunted. “He just—” Cody shrugged. “Got tired of things, I guess.”
    “All young colts get a yen to sample their wild oats sometime,” Davis said awkwardly.
    “I did. He’s different. I didn’t think he needed to.” Cody got up and carried his plate to the dishwasher. “Whatever. I’m over it.”
    “He’s a young man. Maybe he needs to see a bit more of the world before he settles down.”
    Cody could tell his father was trying to comfort him. “It’s okay, Dad. He left. I’m good.”
    “Right. Well, there’s work to be done.” Davis got up and went out the screen door with the air of a man who had done his duty and was now relieved to escape a potentially emotional scene.
    “Well? You going to tell me what the fuck I ever did to deserve this?” Cody demanded furiously.
    His mother had been suspiciously quiet. She looked at him the same way she had when he defiantly shouted the word “fuck” at five