Chasing Daisy

the grid if I have to.
    Oh, God. Luis confronted Will on the grid and then he crashed and killed himself. I put my hands on the table in front of me and take a few deep breaths.
    ‘Are you alright?’ Holly asks, all of a sudden realising I’m not in a good way.
    I nod and flash her a tight smile. Perhaps I won’t confront Luis on the grid, after all.
    I feel a hand on my back and turn to see him standing there. Holly quickly makes herself scarce.
    ‘Hey!’ I smile, relief flooding me.
    He reaches across and pokes at the platter of biscuits. ‘Still no custard creams?’
    ‘Oh, damn, I’m sorry!’ I cover my mouth with my hands. ‘I had every intention of getting you some. I just forgot.’
    He shakes his head at me, his face deadpan. ‘How could you forget something so important?’
    ‘I’ll get you some when we get back to the UK, I promise.’
    He folds his arms and stares at me. ‘Are we going to see each other when we get back to the UK, then?’
    ‘I’ll come and camp on your doorstep, if you’re not careful,’ I tease.
    ‘Luis!’ We look over to see Dan calling him.
    ‘I’ve got to go,’ he says.
    ‘Hey, good luck for the race.’
    ‘See ya later.’ He smiles and turns away.
    ‘Bye,’ I call, as a feeling of déjà vu overwhelms me.
    Those were the last words I exchanged with Will on the morning of his death. A shiver goes through me and I feel like I’m freezing, despite the humidity.
    Holly re-emerges. ‘What did he say to you?’ she asks, alarmed when she sees my face.
    ‘Nothing.’
    ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
    ‘Oh, something he just said made me think of Will.’
    ‘Aah, okay.’ She pats my arm in sympathy. ‘Do you want to come outside to the grid? Maybe it’ll take your mind off it.’
    ‘No, I think I’ll just stay here.’
    It happens again. The exact same thing that used to happen when I watched Will race. When the red lights go out and Luis roars away from the starting grid, I start to feel dizzy almost immediately. It’s the fear of losing him, the fear I had of losing Will.
    Holly catches on quickly and leads me to the back of the garages before anyone notices. Luis’s family are all too caught up in the action. He overtook Benni Fischer on the first lap and is now running second. Kit Bryson is first, but if Luis can beat him, he’ll win the championship, so the pressure is on.
    ‘I think you should return to the hospitality area, don’t you?’ Holly says.
    ‘No. I can’t. I have to watch this race.’
    ‘Are you sure?’ She looks concerned.
    ‘Yes, I’m sure. I’ll just stay here for a moment.’
    ‘Okay, then.’ She pulls up a chair beside me and we stare up at the television screens.
    Fear clutches my stomach as Luis attempts to outbreak Kit into a corner. The cameras show spectators waving Brazilian flags in grandstands all around the circuit. There’s so much support for him here. What if something happened to him at his home race? I start to feel light-headed again.
    Is this how Laura used to feel? Is this why she didn’t come to many of the races? She knew Will almost all her life and now he’s gone forever. Someone help me. I’m finding it difficult to breathe.
    Oh, Will, no, no, no. All the pain I felt at the time of his death violently overcomes me. I loved him and I lost him. I can’t go through that again. I have to get as far away from here as possible.
    To Holly’s astonishment, I bolt out of the garage. I spot a team scooter parked up by one of our trucks and climb on and start it up, speeding away from the pits and paddock as I try to block my mind from my memories.
    Tears fill my eyes and start pouring down my cheeks. And then, after threatening rain all weekend, the heavens finally open and it pours down. I try to wipe away my tears, because it’s impossible to see, and then my wheel hits a pot hole and suddenly I’m flying through the air and crashing down on the road. I cry out with pain as the shock from the asphalt shoots all the way up my leg. And then I see the lights. An enormous truck is coming towards me and, as I try to get to my feet, I have a sense in that very moment of what it would feel like to know that I’m going to die.
    I stagger backwards and the truck misses me by a few inches. I will never forget the feeling of its hot air rushing past and the tyres kicking out rain and mud onto my face. I make it to my feet and stumble off the road, collapsing onto the green grass nearby. And