Coda 01 - Promises

when I woke up, I couldn’t wait to see you again. It was such a great feeling. And I guess I’m an idiot, because I truly didn’t recognize what it meant.” He stopped, but I knew he wasn’t done. “And that would have been okay, too, except then, just out of the fucking blue, there were the, well, the urges that went with those feelings. Strong urges. And that was something I honestly had not expected at all. They caught me completely off guard. Well, I don’t think I need to tell you, it freaked me right the fuck out.”
    “Yeah, I noticed.” But I said it teasingly. “And how about now? Does it still freak you out?”
    “A little. Not as much. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it the past few weeks. It’s been hard for me to get used to the idea of being with another man, but….” He stopped for a second, and I could hear a smile in his voice when he went on, “I think last night helped quite a bit.”
    I smiled too. “I’m glad I took that chance, then.”
    “Me too.” I could tell by his voice that he was blushing. “But I don’t mean just that. I woke up a couple of hours ago, and my first thought was that I should leave before you woke up. But I realized I didn’t want to leave. I realized….” He paused for second, took a deep breath, and said, “I really like being here.”
    “You’re always welcome at my house. You know that.” “No. I mean”—and I felt his hand on my arm, where it was wrapped around him—“I like being here .”
    “Oh.” Here in my bed. In my arms. Was that really what he was telling me? My heart was suddenly racing. Once I thought I could keep my voice level, I asked, as casually as I could, trying to hide the insane hope that was suddenly flooding through me, “Are you saying that you want to be with me?”
    A pause, and then, his voice full of amazement, he said, “I think maybe I want to try.”
    I held him tighter, my forehead against the nape of his neck, and tried to just concentrate on breathing for a minute. I felt him there against me, so big and strong and yet so vulnerable. Could this really be happening? I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted so much to kiss him, to touch him everywhere, to shed what little clothing was between us, to spend the whole day in bed with him. But I also knew this was a big step for him, and I didn’t want to push him. My erection, which had gone down as we had been talking, was suddenly back, and I didn’t know if I should be trying to hide that fact from him or not.
    “Jared, say something.”
My voice was shaking. “Like what?”
“What do you want?”
    “Matt.” I tightened my arms around him, kissed his neck, and slid one hand up his smooth stomach to his chest. “All I’ve ever wanted is you.”
    He sighed and relaxed into my arms. I kissed his neck some more and let my hand explore his chest and then his stomach. My fingers found that amazing trail of hair leading down from his navel and started to follow it. He moaned a little as my fingers moved lower. I reached down and put my hand over the bulge in his briefs, felt his erection jump against my hand. And suddenly, before I even knew it, he had jumped out of bed like he was spring loaded and started putting his pants on.
    “Shit. Matt, I’m sorry….”
    “Don’t be sorry.” His cheeks were red with embarrassment, but he looked right at me, so I knew he meant what he said. “You don’t need to be sorry. Just… not yet, okay?”
    The words “not yet” sounded so much like a promise that my heart swelled. “Okay.”

    “I’ll make coffee. You can have the shower first.” There was a cup of coffee waiting for me on the counter when I emerged from the shower. He was staring into the fridge with a frown on his face.
    “Why do you have so much mustard, anyway?”
“It’s Eddy Mac mustard.”
“What?”
    “You know—Ed McCaffrey. He used to play for the Broncos. He makes mustard now, and the money goes to some charity. I was trying to do my part.”
    He gave me the pseudo-grin. “You’re such a philanthropist.” He closed the fridge. “Seriously, what do you have to eat? I’m starving.”
    “There are some Pop-Tarts in the cabinet. And some Fruit Loops. Although I wouldn’t use the milk if I were you. And I have some peanut butter, but I’m out of bread.”
    He leaned on the counter, looked in my eyes, and said, “We’ll definitely need to do something about this kitchen. Are you working