Coda 02 -A to Z

Jared’s picture-perfect fuckin’ family. Lizzy always knowin’ what’s best. Jared’s mom and Matt’s mom constantly tryin’ to talk to me. First few times, I refused to go. But then I saw how much Zach hated goin’ without me. He tries not to let me see it, but the truth is, he sucks at hidin’ his feelin’s. So now I go.
    Last few times, though, it hasn’t been so bad. Startin’ to get used to Lizzy and the moms. Startin’ to figure out how to be part of it all. Most important I’m startin’ to see that Jared’s family isn’t quite so perfect after all. Can’t explain it, but that simple fact makes all the difference in the world to me. Sometimes they bicker. Sometimes they hurt each other’s feelin’s. One time Matt’s mom made some half-assed comment ’bout how she still wished she could have grandkids of her own. Don’t think she realized how much that was gonna hurt Jared, hearin’ that. Like she’s blamin’ him for it. He left the table, and Jared’s mom snapped at her. Matt’s mom started to cry, and Lizzy jumped in. Pretty soon seemed like me and Zach were the only ones there not pissed at someone.
    Somehow, though, it all worked out. By the time Lizzy brought out the dessert, everybody was smilin’ again.
    Just like that.
No matter what they always forgive each other.
    Matt’s still lookin’ at me, waitin’ for an answer, and I say, “Yeah, guess we’re comin’.”
    “Good.” He winks over at me. “I’ll have more fun if you’re there.” Pretty sure he’s just sayin’ that to make me come, but I don’t say anything.
    “You get along with your mom?” I ask him.
    He looks surprised at my question. Guess it is kinda outta the blue. But he says, “I guess so. I didn’t always. Especially when she was still married to my dad. But we do a lot better now.”
    “All that stuff that happened before—you just pretend it never happened?”

    He shrugs. “As much as we can, I guess. Forgive and forget. She is my mom, after all.”

    “How ’bout your dad? Think you’ll ever talk to him again?” He looks over at me kinda funny, but he still answers. “Depends on him, I guess.”

    “Why?”

    “There are a lot of reasons, really, but the biggest one is Jared.”
    “He doesn’t like Jared?”
“He doesn’t like the fact that Jared and I are together.” “So if he got over that, you’d forgive him?”
    Now he’s really givin’ me a funny look. “What’s this about, Angelo?”
    I just shrug, turn away from him. We’re out of Denver now, headed up into the mountains, and I stare out the window at the trees flyin’ past.
    “Are you thinking about contacting your mom?”
I don’t answer. I don’t have to know. He knows me too well.
    “She made the first move, Angelo. That took a lot of guts, if you ask me.”

    “Pretty sure I didn’t ask you.”
    ’Course he doesn’t take my bait. Just keeps talkin’ like I didn’t say anything. “Some wounds take longer to heal than others, Angelo. You don’t have to forgive her right away. But she is your mom.” I don’t answer him, and suddenly he punches me in the arm, just to get my attention. Wants to make sure I’m actually listenin’. S’posed to be a friendly nudge, but I’ll probably end up with a bruise from it. He waits until I look over and meet his eyes. Then he says, “It can’t hurt to give her another chance, can it?”
    Guess that’s the fuckin’ million dollar question, isn’t it? I sure as hell don’t have the answer.

Zach…
“Y OU know Jared’s the only guy Matt’s ever been with? Only girls
    before that.”

    We were in bed, and he was lying half on top of me, with his chin propped up on my chest.
    I thought about what Angelo had said at Folk Fest, that Matt was the straightest queer he had ever met. I never would have used those words, but I knew exactly what he meant. “That explains a lot.”
    Angelo looked thoughtful before suddenly asking, “You ever been with a girl?”

    The question surprised me. “Yeah. Not for a long time, but in high school and college, I slept with a few.”

    “And you got off?”
    He was so serious, and I tried not to laugh. “Well, yeah. It was never quite as good as with other men, but it was good enough, I guess.” He looked thoughtful. “You’ve never been with a girl?” He shook his head. “You always knew you were gay?”
    He shrugged. “Guess so.” He was quiet for a minute. “Never thought about it much before that