Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM)

life too. But I can imagine that at some point, I may want to know how she’s doing. So, I’d like to know that if and when I am ready, I’m allowed to call, and maybe even see her.”
    Cole nodded and gripped my hand tighter. “Anything,” he said.
    I suspected even Taylor could hear the strain in his voice now. She glanced at me.
    I nodded in agreement. “I don’t think we’d have any reason to argue with those terms.”
    “My friend Larissa is my birthing coach, so I don’t need help in the delivery room, but I’ll call you when I’m in labor so you can be there when she’s born.”
    I heard Cole’s indrawn breath. I could feel his tension. I could almost taste his apprehension and his overwhelming need to have her say the words at last. She’d spelled it out—we’d be there when the baby was born; we’d hold the baby first—and yet, it still didn’t seem final. It still felt as if we’d stumbled into some kind of twisted dress rehearsal that could end at any moment and we’d be back at square one. I said a quick, silent prayer that it wouldn’t happen. I was sure it would kill him to have it torn away from him now.
    Cole let go of me and put his palms together as if he was praying too. He touched his lips with his fingertips. “Taylor?” he said, almost a whisper.
    “I’ll call Thomas first thing in the morning and tell him so he can have the paperwork ready.”
    Cole’s breath hitched in his throat. He closed his eyes. He was hanging onto his self-control with every ounce of his strength. If we were alone, he would have been in my arms. He would most likely have been in tears, shaking and crying with the relief of pent-up fear and hope and helplessness, but with Taylor in the room, he was determined to keep himself together. He was struggling, though. His hands trembled. His breathing was shallow and shaky. He opened his eyes again and looked at me. “Jonny?” he whispered. He was asking me for help. He needed a minute alone—like the time my father had hugged him over stroganoff and Cole had run to the kitchen for butter we didn’t actually need. Just like he’d hidden from his mother at Christmas, and from me a hundred times over in the course of our relationship. He needed space and privacy to let the heat of his emotions boil over and simmer down.
    “Maybe Taylor’s thirsty?” I suggested quietly.
    His eyes started to fill with tears, and he nodded. “You’re right. I’m so silly—”
    “Do you want me to come?”
    “No. Stay. I’ll get her a bottle of mineral water—”
    He was already up and out of the room. Taylor watched him go, then turned to me in surprise. “Is something wrong?”
    “No. Absolutely nothing. He needs a minute, that’s all.” I wanted to go to him, but it made more sense for me to stay with Taylor. Besides, Cole and I would have plenty of time together later. “Thank you,” I said to Taylor. “You have no idea how happy you’ve made him. We’ll give her a wonderful life. I promise.”
    “I believe you will.” She rubbed the side of her stomach and smiled at me. “I feel silly about the first time we met. I can’t believe how wrong I was about you.”
    I laughed. “I’m glad you gave us a second chance.”
    “Me too.” She continued to rub her belly, digging the heel of her hand into her side and pushing as if to urge the baby into a new position.
    “Is it uncomfortable?”
    “Not always, but sometimes she settles in the worst spots.”
    We sat in silence for a moment. I wasn’t sure what else to say. It was just beginning to feel awkward when Cole came back. His few minutes in the kitchen had done wonders. His cheeks were red, but his eyes were clear and dry, and he had his Perfect Host mask back in place. He brushed his hand over my hair as he went past, thanking me silently for giving him an out. He’d even remembered the mineral water.
    “Here you go, sweetie.” He handed it to her, but instead of coming back to the couch, he sat down on the footstool in front of her. “If there’s anything you need, ever, you let me know. Anything at all.”
    “Cole,” I said quietly.
    He held his hand up in my direction. “I know, Jonny.” Then, to Taylor he said, “He’s worried I’ll buy you a yacht or something.” He smiled. “Would you like a yacht?”
    She laughed. “I wouldn’t have much use for one in Phoenix.”
    Cole flipped his hair out of his eyes and threw a disarming smile my way. “See, lovie? You have