Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM)

would have told them to keep their hands to themselves, but Taylor didn’t seem to mind. The three of them were all smiles.
    “Come feel this, Jon,” my dad said. “This kiddo’s kicking up a storm.”
    “I don’t want to crowd Taylor.”
    “Are you kidding?” she laughed. “Look at me! I’m big as a house. There’s room for several more.”
    As silly as I felt, it was a wonderful moment, sitting there with my father and the man I loved, contemplating the life that squirmed and rolled in Taylor’s womb.
    It wasn’t until later that evening, after Taylor was gone, that my father asked, “What are you going to name her?”
    It was something Cole and I had discussed. We’d been waiting for an opportunity to discuss names with my father.
    “We haven’t decided for sure,” Cole said, “but I’d like to name her Carol. Or Elizabeth. Or both.”
    My father frowned a bit. I’d expected him to be happy, but he shook his head. “I don’t know, boys. Maybe you could name her after your mother.”
    “Certainly not,” Cole scoffed. “We could name her after Taylor.”
    “Carol Elizabeth Taylor?” I asked. “I don’t think so.”
    “Taylor’s middle name is Nicole,” my dad said.
    Cole and I both turned to him in surprise. “How do you know that?”
    He shrugged. “She told me, that night I took her home.”
    “Nicole,” I said, trying the name on my tongue. “It’s like Cole and Nicholas both. That way, she could be named after Cole and Taylor. Carol Elizabeth Nicole Fenton Davenport?”
    “Good Lord, she’ll have more names than I do. Absolutely not.”
    “So which ones do we get rid of?”
    “George,” Cole said, “would you rather us keep Carol or Elizabeth?”
    “Neither,” my dad said, suddenly serious. “I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think either is a good idea. I’m pleased that you’d want to honor them that way, but it feels like an awful lot of sad history to thrust onto a newborn baby.”
    I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I could see his point. My sister Elizabeth had died under my father’s watch, as had my mother. There was nothing he could have done about my mother’s cancer, but that didn’t make it any easier on him. It did feel like providing rather large shoes for a tiny baby to fill.
    “I’ll buy one of those baby name books,” Cole said, waving his hand dismissively in my direction. He turned to my father. “I finished the nursery today—”
    “Again,” I added.
    He rolled his eyes at me and finished as if I hadn’t interrupted. “Would you like to see it, George?”
    My father and I followed him down the hall. I’d seen it already, but I was curious what my father would say.
    There was still pink, although of a brighter shade than before, and it had become secondary. The dominant color was a soft green—Paris green, he’d told me that morning, although it looked like mint to me. There was a mobile over the crib, and a rocking chair by the window. He’d had me put shelves up on the wall opposite the crib, and they were packed edge to edge with stuffed animals. A hundred eyes watched us as my father surveyed the room.
    “Wow,” he said, gazing around them all. “Where’s the baby going to go?”
    “Is it too much?” Cole asked.
    “Don’t answer that,” I warned my dad. “He’s had this room redone three times already.”
    Cole put his hand on his hip and flipped his hair back so he could stare down at me, even though I was taller than him. It was a talent I’d come to envy. “I want it to be right.”
    “Did you get one of those electric wipe-warmers?” my dad asked.
    Cole’s confidence disappeared in the blink of an eye. “Do you think I should have?”
    “I was teasing.”
    “Well, I’m not. Do you think we need one?”
    I was about ready to tell him no, but my father laughed. Not a sound of mockery, but one of loving amusement. He stepped closer to Cole and faced him with a quiet earnestness I had rarely seen. “It’s not about what you can buy, Cole.”
    “But if I can give her everything, then why shouldn’t I?”
    “There’s no reason you shouldn’t. I’m just saying, this”—he gestured around the room—“isn’t what’s going to matter in the end. What’s going to matter is that you both love her. That you put her first, no matter what. You already adore her, and that’s more than a lot of kids get at all.”
    Cole bit his lip, as if debating how much to divulge. Finally, he said,