Faded (Rock Star Trilogy)

confidence. You are beautiful, you are smart, and you are so talented. I am crazy about you. So are Alec and Bridgett. You have so many people that love you. Don’t let them steal your spark.”
    I feel better at his words, because he’s right. I don’t need them, and I haven’t in a long time. If they don’t want me, why should I want them?

 
     
    Monday, October 19
    7:06 AM
    O.C.R.C.T.L.S.D.H.O.M
     
    After confronting my mom, I pretty much want to get the hell out of Europe. We take the jet back, and I spend all day Sunday in bed asleep. Stephan stays with me, but I think it's because he's worried about me. He's never seen me have such a major meltdown. Truthfully, I'm glad he's here for me. I need him. I don’t think I could get through this without him.
    Alec obviously thinks the best thing to do is distract me from the pain. He decides that tonight we will start working on “ Operation Convince Record Company To Let Scarlett Do Her Own Music ”, or O.C.R.C.T.L.S.D.H.O.M , as he likes to call it. I do laugh at the name, which I think is what he was going for.
    Bridgett is also trying to cheer me up. She bought me a journal. She says, “Writing down your feelings helps”. It's true. But I express myself a little differently. I will use the journal to write lyrics.
    On Monday morning, I decide the best thing to do is just go to school, like normal. I can't stay in bed forever, though I must admit, being in bed with Stephan forever could be fun. The sooner I move on, the sooner I can start living my new life.
    “Make sure you fix your hair today,” Alec tells me, when he sees my messy bun. “The camera crew is going to be following you around at school today.”
    My eyes get big. “What? Certainly the school isn't okay with this!”
    Alec grins mischievously. “They were thrilled. They are getting a new gym out of the deal.”
    “Well, you want this documentary to be real. The hair stays,” I pout.
    The bun doesn't stay. Before leaving for school, I straighten my hair and change my outfit. As bad as I want to not care, I do . I don’t want people to see me on film with sweatpants and messy hair.
    When I walk downstairs, I can tell Alec is about to tell me, “I told you so.” But then he sees the evil glare I'm giving him, and he quickly shuts his mouth. I smile. Good decision, Alec .  I’m definitely in a bitchy mood today, and I am not to be messed with.
    The doorbell rings, and Alec goes to answer it. I sit down at the bar beside Stephan and Bridgett. As always, my amazing sister has a cup of coffee waiting for me.
    “I love you,” I tell her, as I take a drink of the heavenly-tasting coffee.
    Alec comes back into the kitchen followed by six guys. Four of them are holding cameras, and one has a boom microphone. The last guy has a clipboard. It feels like a definite overkill, but what do I know.
    First, I am introduced to the director. Peter. (Or at least, I think that was his name). He explains everything to me in great detail. They are going to follow me everywhere . They are even going to attach a camera to the dashboard of my car. They want to capture every moment of my life that they can. They need thirteen hours of good footage. Hopefully it won’t take them too long to get it.
    “Why does this feel more like a reality show than a documentary?” I ask Alec, as they wire a microphone to my body. I’m going to have to watch everything I say.
    “It's not really a documentary of your whole life. It's just a documentary of like three months of your life,” he explains. “And if it goes over like they think it will, they will do it again in six months.”
    “Which is what a reality show is.” I roll my eyes.
    Alec just shrugs and gives me his thousand-watt smile. He forgets that I am immune to its powers.
    “This conversation is not over,” I warn.
     
    9:03 AM
    Disney
     
    After they wire Stephan and me, we are off to school. We get there an hour late, and I arrive just in time for history. I slip into the desk beside Ethan.
    I look back at the camera crew, which is still recording while I'm in class.
    “Really?” I ask. “You're going to record this ?”
    They nod, and I turn back around to Ethan. “S’up?” he asks.
    I just shake my head. “Oh, you know... just my life being exposed to millions of people on MTV. Could it be any lamer? I think not.”
    Ethan shrugs. “At least it isn't the Disney Channel.”
    I giggle loudly. Everybody turns around to look at me.