Fall from Love

looked at him like you wanted to gut him or something. It’s not his fault,” I tell her again. “It’s not anyone’s fault. This is their house. If Carter wants to come home to his house, then he should be able to.”
    She lets out a long sigh and her shoulders fall, releasing the built up tension she’s been holding. “Damn, when you put it that way, you make me sound like a bitch.”
    “Well, if the shoe fits.” I grin at her, hoping to get a smile out of her.
    She glowers at first, but then a smirk appears on her face.
    “We need to act normal, remember?” I remind her. “I know that it’s going to take me a while, but I’m really trying to get better. I’m trying...” my voice trails off and I take in a deep breath, “I’m trying to move on.”
    “Right. Normal.” She nods her head. “Sorry, I forgot. I just saw that look on your face when you saw him and, when you closed your eyes; I knew that you were going back to that night.”
    The last thing I want to do is keep talking or reminiscing about that night. “Go apologize to Josh,” I tell her again, giving her a pointed look and hoping to turn the focus off myself.
    She sighs and takes another drink from her beer. “Guess you’re right.” She starts walking to the doors, stops, and then turns back to me. “You coming?”
    “Yeah, I’ll be right behind you.” I muster everything I have inside me and give her a smile, hoping she’ll believe it. The one thing I need right now is time alone, yet Jenna won’t give it to me unless she thinks that I’m alright.
    “Okay, I’ll see you out there.”
    When she’s gone, I lean myself back up against the wall and take in a few deep breaths.

 
     
    Chapter Four
     
    Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
    ~ Søren Kierkegaard
     
    CARTER
    I fucking knew it. This morning before class, Josh said that he wanted to have a few people over for a barbeque tonight and wanted to know if I was cool with it. I didn’t really think too much of it; none of that is unusual. Overall, he’s a pretty cool roommate and he is always courteous with things like that. What was weird and what made me suspicious was the fact he wouldn’t quit asking me what my plans were, he wanted to know if I was going to be around. It wasn’t until he told me that Jenna was coming and she was inviting Holly that it all made sense.
    Before I answered him, I thought about it for a minute. I’ve been trying to get in touch with Holly for months; however, her bodyguard of a best friend all but threatened to kill me if I ever got close to her.
    Josh and Jenna have been dating for a few months now and she comes over to the house a few times a week. She doesn’t talk to me much, but it really doesn’t bother or surprise me. I’m used to the people who were close to Adam treating me that way. Sometimes she spends the night, but she always wakes up really early to leave, like she’s sneaking out or something.
    Since there is only a single, thin wall separating Josh’s bedroom from mine, and I didn’t want to hear them enjoying themselves all night, I’d usually sleep on the couch in the living room, or if it’s warm enough, on the couch in the garage. When I would hear her car start up and I knew she was gone, I‘d head back up to my room.
    So before I leave for class, I lie, telling Josh that I won’t be around this weekend. I tell him I’m going home to see my mom in Denver. I feel a little bad for lying to him, but I know that if I said that I will be here, then Holly definitely wouldn’t be.
    Ever since that night at the hospital when I told her about the accident, she avoids me like I’m the fucking plague. Like the other night at Sterling’s, she practically had a panic attack the moment she saw me. All I want to do is talk to her and make sure she’s okay—to see if there’s anything I can do for her.
    When I walk out into the backyard and see her sitting next to Jenna, my stomach twists into something horrible, making me feel like I’m going to be sick. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s just nerves from thinking there’s a chance I’ll actually get to talk to her this time.
    Casually, I walk around and greet a few people. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Josh staring at me. It’s not until my eyes meet Holly’s, and her expression falls, do I realize how much pain she’s still in. It kills me to know that just seeing me does this to her; that I cause her so