Fall from Love

much pain. I’ll never forget the way she looked at me in the hospital that night, the same way she’s looking at me right now; it’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. The image of her standing in the hospital with that terrified look on her face is all I see when I close my eyes at night. Well, that and maybe a few other images that I’d rather forget.
    Just like that night at Sterling’s, Jenna drags her away from me. When they disappear inside the house, Josh is at my side.
    “What are you doing here, man?” he asks with a bitter tone.
    “I live here,” I say, shouldering past him, not feeling like talking or hearing him complain to me.
    “Don’t be a smart ass,” he says, following right behind me. “I asked you this morning if you were gonna be around this weekend and you said you were going home to Denver.”
    “Yeah, and I changed my mind.” I turn around, facing him. “Am I not allowed to be here? Is that it?” I challenge.
    He flinches from my tone and then changes his stance. “Shit, dude,” he says under his breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to just attack you like that. It’s just, Jenna asked me this morning if you were gonna be here and I told her no. So, I’m—I’m assuming that’s why Holly came.” He shakes his head and hangs it low. “I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut.”
    I relax my shoulders and feel the tension ease from my jaw. It’s hard to be mad at him. The last few months he’s had to juggle his new girlfriend and his best friend not getting along.
    “You know what? I can feel that I’m not wanted, I’m just gonna go. I didn’t mean to cause a scene,” I say, and it’s the truth. The last thing I want to do is hurt Holly, or get Josh in trouble with his crazy-ass girlfriend. The only thing I want to do is see Holly and maybe talk to her for a minute; make sure she’s doing okay. As I start to walk off, Josh pushes against my shoulder.
    “Hey, you don’t have to leave, man. You are wanted here,” he says. “Just—just lay low and we’ll see what happens, okay?”
    The more I think about it, the worse I feel for getting him in trouble with his girlfriend. I’m about to apologize, but then I realize that I’m not sorry. If lying is what I have to do in order to see Holly and try to talk to her, then I’ll do it again.
    Holly and Jenna have been gone for about ten minutes. I’m sitting on the picnic table talking to Paul and Josh is sitting near the barbeque pit, manning the steaks, when I see Jenna come back outside. She’s alone and heads straight for Josh. I fear that she’s about to slap the shit out of him or something when, instead, she lands on his lap and begins to whisper something in his ear. He smiles, grabs her ass as they start to kiss, and I blow out the large breath I’ve been holding in. Even though I’ve had to endure her coming over and being a bitch to me the last few months, I still don’t want to cause any trouble between the two of them.
    Over the past few months, I witnessed plenty of their make out sessions—among other things—and I know that it will be a while before they come up for air. Pushing myself up off the picnic table, I decide to head up to my room and avoid causing any more trouble. I take the side door, through the garage, to escape Jenna seeing me and tearing my head off. When I open the door and walk in, I’m shocked to see Holly in there. Her eyes are closed and she’s leaning her head back against the wall. I can’t help staring at her for a moment, thinking back to that night when I first saw her—first held her in my arms. The night she cried in them for over an hour.
    That night, it took everything inside me not to cry with her because I felt like it was my fault she was crying in the first place, and because I knew what it felt like to have someone you love stolen from you in the blink of an eye.
    Even though everyone tells me that what happened to Adam that night was an accident, that I did nothing wrong, I still feel guilty as hell for what happened. It was also that night that my worst nightmare was confirmed, that I was a curse and people around me die.
    I’m not sure what to say, so I clear my throat to let her know that I’m there. She flinches and her eyes open. It doesn’t take long for her eyes to find mine and I expect her to say something—to turn and run away—but she doesn’t say a word or move an inch. She just stares at me. I take a couple steps forward,