Fall from Love

and breathes some life back into me.
    Without even thinking about it, I turn back around and find her looking right at me. It catches me off guard and, for a second, I lose my train of thought. I shove my hands in my pockets and take a couple steps towards her. “Hey, would you like to have some coffee sometime? With me?” I mumble. Shit, I can’t even believe those words even made it out of my mouth.
    For a moment she just stares at me, but then she finally speaks. “I’m, uh… pretty busy… you know, with school just starting back…” her voice trails off.
    I nod and turn back around, wanting to kick my own ass for even asking her.
    “Hey, Carter,” she calls as I reach for the door. I turn around and find her looking at me again. “Coffee sounds good.” She smiles—a real one this time—and it happens, my heart proves it’s still there; the pain in it lifts just a little.
     
    ❧
     
    Josh and I are driving up the mountain road and we haven’t talked much since we got in the car. My mind has been focused on one thing since we left the house—or really—just one person. I can’t stop thinking of the way Holly’s face lit up when she smiled. Not the fake smiles, the real ones that chip away the pain in my chest and allow me to feel free for the first time in months.
    “Dude, where’s your head right now?” Josh asks and my thoughts of Holly fade away. I shove my gear shift down with more force than is needed and glance over in his direction.
    I take a deep breathe in and slowly blow it out. “Nowhere, man.”
    “Well it needs to be focused on what’s about to go on up there. Are you sure you’re ready for this? You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
    My eyes focus back on the road and I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white. I tell myself to calm down, to not let myself get worked up. Not now. “I know, and I’m ready,” I say, relaxing my hands and letting out another large breath.
    “So what were you and Holly talking about in there?” Josh asks. “Jenna would’ve freaked if she knew you were in there with her.”
    “Yeah, I know.” I sigh. “But we were just talking. We weren’t alone very long before you came in.”
    “Sorry, man, I know Jenna can be a little harsh sometimes, but she’s just protective over Holly. You understand, right?”
    “Yeah, I get it.” I tell him and it’s the truth. I get sticking up for your best friend and not wanting them to be hurt more than they have to. I know because the dude sitting beside me has been that kind of friend to me my entire life.
    “I guess Jenna’s not mad at you then?” I ask.
    He laughs. “Nah, she’s good.”
    In my peripheral vision I see him tilt his can of red bull upside down and chug it. When he’s done, he burps, crushes the can in his hand, and throws it on the floor.
    “Dude, pick your shit up.” I shake my head at him.
    “Do you really think one little can is going to mess up this piece of junk car you have any more than it already is?”
    “An ’83 FJ Cruiser is not a piece of junk; it’s a classic,” I correct him.
    He bends down and picks up the can. “Whatever, man.”
    We pull up to the mountain rescue headquarters and, before I shut the car off and jump out, I glance out through my windshield to look up towards the mountain in front of me. There’s a large part of me that is scared out of my mind, scared that maybe I am cursed and bad things will always happen when I’m around. I’m scared that I will have a flashback to the night of the accident, freak out once I get up there, and cause something terrible to happen. There’s another part of me that is desperate to get back up there, knowing that it’s the only way I’m going to get past this.
     
    HOLLY
    After agreeing to go out for coffee with Carter, I stare at him until he disappears back into the house. When he’s out of sight, my head falls back against the wall and there’s nothing I can do to stop the memories from coming back at full speed.
    Carter guided me to the chairs a few steps away. I remember not wanting to reach the chairs, knowing that when we got there, he would tell me what I felt like I already knew. A part of me felt thankful that he was holding onto me now because I felt as though my legs were about to give out at any moment.
    Finally, we reached the chairs and he gently guided me down to sit. For a moment he didn’t say anything. He could barely even look me in the eye. It’s