Fall from Love

I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack with how fast my heart is hammering against my chest.
    We hold our stare for a long moment and I’m wondering if he’s trying to do the same as me, figuring out where we go from here. Before today, our friendship was fairly simple, but now, when feelings like this get involved, it always makes things more complicated.
    He opens his mouth to say something just as the front door swings open and Josh walks through it, spoiling our moment.
    “Hey, Holly,” Josh says to me before turning and tipping up his chin to Carter. “You staying for dinner?” I blink hard and shake my head as Josh rummages through the refrigerator, pulling out vegetables and cradling them in his free arm. “Man, you girls desperately need food at your place. I don’t know how the two of you survive over there.”
    “Gotta love frozen dinners,” I answer, glancing towards Carter, trying to read his expression. He’s looking down at his hands that are resting on the table in front of him, seemingly deep in thought. My stomach squeezes and I wonder about the line that is being drawn between our friendship and something more.
    “Stay for dinner and I’ll cook you some real food.” Josh’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Jenna kicked me out, she said she had to pack for Thanksgiving break and apparently, I’m a sex machine. She can’t resist me if I’m hanging around looking all hot and stuff.”
    I force out a laugh, but I’m really not in the laughing mood. “Uh, thanks, but we already ate. Carter cooked.” I nod towards my bowl.
    Josh shifts around the counter and leans over Carter’s shoulder. “Hell, no. You just ate boxed macaroni? Dude, seriously?” He flicks Carter in the head. “You couldn’t have cooked the girl some spaghetti... or maybe something with a vegetable in it.”
    Carter rolls his eyes and I laugh; a real one this time. It feels good and allows some of the tension that is built up between Carter and me to dissipate.
    “I’m actually gonna go. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do before we head out for Thanksgiving.” I stand up and Carter stands with me.
    “I’ll walk you out,” he says, still not meeting my gaze. With each passing second, I feel more awkward and regret the things I said to him earlier, knowing I should have just kept my mouth shut. Right now, I just want to get out of here as quickly as possible.
    “Later,” Josh yells as I walk out of the kitchen. “Have fun and keep my girl out of trouble.”
    “I will,” I say, walking into the living room, knowing the moment I reach the door and turn to face Carter, it’s going to be miserably uncomfortable between us.
    “You don’t have to walk me to my car or anything,” I say, turning around before we get there. “Thanks for dinner, though, I thought your macaroni was good.”
    Josh peaks his head around the corner. “Did I miss something? I swear I just heard you say that boxed macaroni was good. Is macaroni a code word for something else maybe? Maybe something a little sexier?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
    “Dude, seriously, I’m gonna come in there and kick your ass if you don’t shut it,” Carter says, turning to glare over his left shoulder.
    Josh disappears back behind the wall and the moment between us became even more awkward, something I didn’t think was possible.
    “Thanks for breakfast,” he says, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. I feel like he wants to say something else, but after a few more seconds of silence, I realize that whatever he wants to say isn’t going to make it out of his mouth. Not right now, at least.
    “I’ll see you later, then,” I say.
    He nods. “Yeah, I’ll see you after the break. Maybe I’ll call you, though, okay?”
    Maybe I’ll call you? “Okay.” My voice feels thick and I can feel the tears starting to sting my eyes. It’ll only be a matter of seconds before they make it out.
    “Damn, would you two just kiss already? It would be so much easier for everyone if you guys would just get it over with,” Josh yells and I nearly die of embarrassment.
     
    ❧
     
    The entire drive home I try to dissect what we said to each other. Or really, what I had said to him. There wasn’t a lot of talking on his end, except for when he said, “For the record, I knew you were lying,” and “but hearing you say it, it means a lot.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I haven’t been clear enough.