Fall from Love

Maybe I should just come right out and say what I really mean... what I’ve wanted to tell him for a couple weeks now. Tell him that I am starting to have feelings for him. Tell him that he has given me a reason to breathe again... to smile again and maybe even love again.
    I’m not in love with Carter just yet, but the fact that it’s even a possibility is a huge step for me. Love isn’t something I planned on feeling again in my life.
    I didn’t think a love like what Adam and I had could happen twice, so I had given up on the whole idea of it. Even caring for someone again was not something I planned on doing anytime soon. Then I couldn’t help questioning, how soon is too soon to move on? And am I sure that I want to move on? Am I really ready for that?
    There is one thing that I am sure of, my heart aches when we are apart and it doesn’t stop aching until I see him again. So many emotions flood my mind and I find it hard to keep the tears locked inside. The entire drive home, even the entire way up the stairs to my apartment, I have done a great job of fighting them off.
    “Hey, where have you been all day?” Jenna asks, turning her head in my direction when I shut the door. She’s lying on the couch with a textbook propped up against her knees.
    “I was with Carter.” My voice cracks when I say his name.
    She closes the textbook and sits up to face me. “Oh?”
    Curiosity is written all over her face as I set my purse on the counter and wait for the questions to start. I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying not to let the tears fall. I’m trying to tell myself that I don’t really want to feel like this again and that it’s better to just shut my feelings off.
    Jenna’s off the couch and beside me now, her eyes are cautious as she looks over my features. “Holly, what’s wrong?
    I don’t say anything, but the tears begin to fall and I know there’s no holding them back now.
    “Did he hurt you? I’ll kill him if he hurt you.” Her tone is serious.
    I cry harder, grabbing her and pulling her close.
    “Hey, hey, hey… it’s alright. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I’m here.”
    I shake my head. “It won’t be… it’s not okay.”
    “Come on, let’s sit down and you can tell me.”
    When we get to the couch, I collapse down onto it and bury my head in my hands as she wraps her arms around me.
    “C’mon, tell me what happened.” Her voice is soft and soothing, almost motherly.
    Through my tears, I explain to Jenna how I had gone over to Carter’s this morning to make him breakfast. I tell her about the whole misunderstanding with Kelly, the great day we spent together, and, finally, about how I told Carter how I feel… or tried to tell him how I feel. I tell her how Carter has been really sweet and always knows just what to say. I tell her how he makes me feel things that I never thought I’d feel again.
    “Holly, all of that sounds great. Did something else happen? You’re confusing the shit outta me.”
    “That’s the problem,” I say, my throat feeling thick. “Nothing happened!” I cry out through my tears. “I like being around him, I miss him when he’s gone. I like him, Jenna!”
    “And all of this... it’s a bad thing, right?” she asks, her tone guarded.
    “Yes!” I blurt out, looking at her.
    “Oh.” Her features soften. “I get it... I think? You don’t want to like him?”
    “No! I don’t think so! I don’t know! I’m so confused.” I raise my hands up in the air and let them fall back into my lap. “How he reacted tonight, I don’t think he feels the same as me and I may have just ruined everything! Then I can’t help having all these other feelings. Feelings like maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I shouldn’t be feeling like this about someone,” I finish my outburst and bury my head back in my hands.
    “Hon, you can’t run from love for the rest of your life. Your heart will tell you when it’s ready to move on. Don’t fight it so much.”
    “I just didn’t expect it to be him.” I choke back the tears. “I’m a stupid, stupid girl.”
    “Hey, we can’t choose who we love, Holls. The heart wants what it wants.”
    There’s a long silence between us.
    “So what do you think you’re going to do?” she asks.
    I shake my head. “I don’t know. I feel like an idiot. The way he looked at me, I’m not sure he has the same feelings I do.”
    She pulls away and looks me in the eyes. “Seriously, are you that clueless? The guy