Fear of Falling

my own demons. But they would have to wait. Kami was the only thing that mattered in that moment.
    “I don’t remember when things got bad. I think they were always like that. The lifestyle he led…the drugs, booze, women…my mother had no business being a part of it. Neither did I.”
    I kissed the top of her head, encouraging her to continue. Kami turned to look at me, giving me a sad smile that knocked the wind right out of my chest.
    “I used to try to rationalize what he did to us. He had a tough upbringing; his dad would kick the shit out of him and rape his little sisters. He was sick. Sick to his core until he finally put a bullet in his brain in front of his wife and kids.” Her green eyes glossed over with fresh tears before she blinked them away and placed her head back on my chest. “I thought it was possible that that sickness could be genetic. Maybe I’d be like them and get sick too. So I figured if I never let anyone in, if I never cared enough to want that for myself, I would be ok.”
    “You’re not like them, baby. Not even a little bit,” I said, guiding her head back up by her chin so she could see the conviction in my eyes.
    A genuine grin pulled at the corners of her luscious mouth. “I know.” Another soft kiss on my pierced nipple. “But maybe, in ways, I’m worse.”
    “How can you say that?”
    Kami shrugged before running the very tips of her fingers up and down my stomach. “The way I am. So devastatingly afraid. It goes beyond fear, you know. It’s like my body shuts down completely. I’m not normal. I’ll never be. Which makes it impossible to have a normal relationship.”
    “I don’t believe that, Kami. Not for a second.” I brushed the hair away from her face, letting my fingers trail down her spine. “And what relationship is really normal?”
    She nodded, and I could almost hear the proverbial “but” on her tongue. “Still…no one deserves to be bogged down with all my baggage. Can you understand why I kept all this from you? It wasn’t just to protect myself, Blaine. It was to protect you too.”
    “From what?”
    “The end. What always happens when I’ve gotten involved with other guys.”
    I let my hands roam the mounds of her ass and down to her thigh, pulling it over mine. “I’m not other guys. I don’t need protection from you, Kami. I want every part of you. Even the parts you think are too painful or ugly to share. I want it all. I want all of you .”
    She nodded again as she silently contemplated my vehement declaration. Every word I said was steeped in truth. I not only wanted to possess Kami’s demons as if they were my own, I wanted to completely free her from them. I never again wanted fear to consume her, and I would do anything I could to alleviate her anxiety.
    “When my mom returned home to her family with me in tow, I thought we were finally safe,” she whispered, returning to the story of her tormented past. “But I was so wrong. So very wrong…”
    “Baby…” I kissed the top of her head, a piece of me breaking at the sound of her wavering voice. I knew whatever she needed to say would kill me. Just the thought of her hurting pushed me to the brink of violence. But I quelled my own emotions for her sake. Kami didn’t need my shit piled on top of hers.
    “He found us six months later. We were staying with my grandparents up north. And he made it known that we would never be safe. We would never be free of him.”
    I felt warm moisture slide onto my chest, heating my body with anger and sympathy. I hated that she had ever shed a tear for that piece of shit. He didn’t deserve them. But I wouldn’t stop her. She needed to let it out, and I was honored to be the one she had opened up to. I was her choice. Kami could have any man she wanted, yet she trusted me with her darkest secrets.
    “As soon as he busted down the door, my aunt tried to pull me to the back bedroom to spare me. I kicked and screamed for her to let me go. I knew if someone didn’t help, he would kill her. When I finally wriggled free, I instantly regretted it.”
    She took a deep breath, prompting me to stroke her hair. “My grandparents had a wall that was covered with a huge mirror. He…smashed her head into it repeatedly. Over and over again until she was a pile of blood and torn flesh on the floor. Even after he had beaten her unconscious, he just continued to kick her and call her disgusting names. And when his wild eyes flicked up to mine,