Fear of Falling

attention, straining against the fabric. I turned back towards the stove to hide the evidence of my weakened willpower. When it came to Kami, self-control went completely to the left.
    “I’d love for you to cook for me one day. But I must warn you: I may not let you go after that.”
    Kami smiled and slid a wedge of tangerine between her pouty lips. “That’s what I’m counting on.”
    I struggled to throw together a decent meal for Kami and me, too distracted by her presence to focus on much else. Once we had both filled up on cheese omelets and toast with Ms. Patty’s homemade boysenberry jam, we lounged on the couch with glasses of wine. Kami tucked her body under my arm and laid her head on my chest. She felt good in my arms. It felt natural, like she was made to always be there. It was presumptuous as hell, but shit… I didn’t believe in playing games. Not when it came to her.
    “What does this mean?” she asked, running her fingers over the tattoo on my chest.
    I grasped her hand gently and placed it over the words forever etched in my skin. “Alis Volat Propriis . It’s Latin for ‘she flies with her own wings.’” I guided her fingers to the cluster of roses adorning the lettering. “These are Amelia roses. My mother’s name was Amelia Rose Jacobs.”
    “It’s beautiful,” she smiled, as I brought her fingers up to my lips.
    “I got it when I was 16. Even my ornery old uncle got a little choked up when I showed him.”
    “I love your tattoos. I never really was into them before, but on you…it just sorta fits. Like I couldn’t imagine you without them.”
    I released her fingers so she could explore further. “When did you get this?” she asked, pointing to my right sleeve.
    “Different pieces from over the last few years,” I explained as she traced a finger over the mural that covered my arm. “I like to get something done whenever I travel to a different place. Sorta like the road map of my life.”
    “How do you find time to travel the world and run a business?”
    “I wasn’t always the owner of Dive,” I shrugged. “After shit went down with me and my ex, then with that asshole Clark… I kinda fell off the grid. As soon as my probation was up, I hit the road. No cell phone, no email, just the world mapped out in front of me. I needed to get away, just escape all the bullshit that was waiting for me here. And I really had no plans to ever return.”
    I ran a hand through Kami’s hair while she continued her study of the lines and colors embedded in my skin. “I was gone for almost two years when I heard about my uncle’s situation with the bar. I knew what I needed to do. He took in his sister’s little badass kid and treated me like his own. Even moved to a better neighborhood to try to give me a new start. I owed it to him to help out. So, about a year ago, I came back.”
    “Family is important to you,” she smiled up at me, her face completely devoid of sorrow. There was something else there. Admiration? Pride? The way she looked at me…I don’t know…it stirred something inside me. Like maybe she could see the man that I desperately wanted to be. Not the guy covered in ink with a reputation for being too quick with his fists. Not the guy that used to bang different chicks every night just because he could. Not the man that had tried to run from the shitty hand that life had dealt him.
    Maybe Kami could see straight into my soul just as I tried to see into hers. With those green eyes penetrating flesh and bone, awakening the parts of me that I had kept hidden from the rest of the world, I silently vowed to make life beautiful for her again. To erase the ugliness that her father had left behind years ago. To restore her faith in humanity and make her believe in happily-ever-afters.
    To be her happily-ever-after.

They say God laughs when you make plans.
    I had planned to survive. I was resigned to not having any emotional attachments other than Angel and Dom. I could float from job to job, refusing to lay down any roots in order to stay detached. I’d even move every few years, hoping to just coast under the radar. Life would be…easy, filled with inconsequential interactions just to squelch the need for intimacy. Shallow. Insignificant. And lonely.
    God was flippin’ hysterical right now.
    I knew Blaine was different. I wasn’t naive to the fact that I had feelings for him. Feelings that I never thought someone like me could ever harbor. I just