Feet of Clay

Dorfl.” He turned his back and fiddled with some papers on his desk. “The big trouble,” he added, “is that everyone wants someone else to read their minds for them and then make the world work properly. Even golems, perhaps.”
    He turned back to face the golem. “I know you’ve all got a secret. But, the way things are going, there won’t be any of you left to keep it.”
    He looked hopefully at Dorfl.
    NO. CLAY OF MY CLAY. I WILL NOT BETRAY.
    Carrot sighed. “Well, I can’t force you.” He grinned. “Although, you know, I could. I could write a few extra words on your chem. Tell you to be talkative.”
    The fires rose in Dorfl’s eyes.
    “But I won’t. Because that would be inhumane. You haven’t murdered anyone. I can’t deprive you of your freedom because you haven’t got any. Go on. You can go. It’s not as if I don’t know where you live.”
    TO WORK IS TO LIVE.
    “What is it golems want , Dorfl? I’ve seen you golems walking around the streets and working all the time, but what is it you actually hope to achieve?”
    The slate pencil scribbled.
    RESPITE.
    Then Dorfl turned around and walked out of the building.
    “D*mn!” said Carrot, a difficult linguistic feat. He drummed his fingers on the desk, then got up abruptly, put his clothes back on and stalked down the corridor to find Angua.
    She was leaning against the wall in Corporal Littlebottom’s office, talking to the dwarf.
    “I’ve sent Dorfl home,” said Carrot.
    “Has he got one?” said Angua.
    “Well, back to the slaughterhouse, anyway. But it’s probably not a good time for a golem to be out alone so I’m just going to stroll along after him and keep…Are you all right, Corporal Littlebottom?”
    “Yes, sir,” said Cheri.
    “You’re wearing a…a…a…” Carrot’s mind rebelled at the thought of what the dwarf was wearing and settled for: “A kilt?”
    “Yes, sir. A skirt, sir. A leather one, sir.”
    Carrot tried to find a suitable response and had to resort to: “Oh.”
    “I’ll come with you,” said Angua. “Cheri can keep an eye on the desk.”
    “A…kilt,” said Carrot. “Oh. Well, er…just keep an eye on things. We won’t be long. And…er…just keep behind the desk, all right?”
    “Come on ,” said Angua.
    When they were out in the fog Carrot said, “Do you think there’s something a bit… odd about Littlebottom?”
    “Seems like a perfectly ordinary female to me,” said Angua.
    “ Female? He told you he was female?”
    “She,” Angua corrected. “This is Ankh-Morpork, you know. We’ve got extra pronouns here.”
    She could smell his bewilderment. Of course, everyone knew that, somewhere down under all those layers of leather and chain mail, dwarfs came in enough different types to ensure the future production of more dwarfs, but it was not a subject that dwarfs discussed other than at those essential points in a courtship when embarrassment might otherwise arise.
    “Well, I would have thought she’d have the decency to keep it to herself,” Carrot said finally. “I mean, I’ve nothing against females. I’m pretty certain my stepmother is one. But I don’t think it’s very clever, you know, to go around drawing attention to the fact.”
    “Carrot, I think you’ve got something wrong with your head,” said Angua.
    “What?”
    “I think you may have got it stuck up your bum. I mean, good grief! A bit of make-up and a dress and you’re acting as though she’d become Miss Va Va Voom and started dancing on tables down at the Skunk Club!”
    There were a few seconds of shocked silence while they both considered the image of a dwarfish strip-tease dancer. Both minds rebelled.
    “Anyway,” said Angua, “if people can’t be themselves in Ankh-Morpork, where can they?”
    “There’ll be trouble when the other dwarfs notice,” said Carrot. “I could almost see his knees. Her knees.”
    “Everyone’s got knees.”
    “Perhaps, but it’s asking for trouble to flaunt them. I mean, I’m used to knees. I can look at knees and think, ‘Oh, yes, knees, they’re just hinges in your legs,’ but some of the lads—”
    Angua sniffed. “He turned left here. Some of the lads what? ”
    “Well…I don’t know how they’ll react, that’s all. You shouldn’t have encouraged her. I mean, of course there’s female dwarfs but…I mean, they have the decency not to show it.”
    He heard Angua gasp. Her voice sounded rather far away when she said, “Carrot, you know