Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

arm. In the fifth, the woman was raising an arm and smiling.
    “But except for a bunch of silly arm raising, they are doing exactly the same thing.”
    “No,” the Queen scolded. “There is a different name for each position. That means each position is different. See? This is
Missionary Holding One Hand
. And this one is
Missionary Kissing on the Cheek
. And this one here is
Missionary While Watching Lifetime For Women
.”
    Alice had to admit she thought the Red Queen was loopy, not that Alice would ever dream of saying that aloud. A queen is a queen, and since Alice wasn’t a queen, she couldn’t possibly disagree with authority.
    “What about different positions?” Alice asked. “Such as the woman on top?”
    The Red Queen frowned. “Forbidden.”
    Alice looked at the other three royals, and noticed neither king was paying attention. Instead, they were staring intently at her nudity and stroking themselves. The White Queen wasn’t looking at the book either, instead winking at the White King every so often, pinching her nipples through the white lace bra, and smiling as if she had a glorious secret.
    The Red Queen cleared her throat, bringing Alice’s attention back to her. “Forbidden positions have also been catalogued in this book, but it is forbidden to look at them.”
    “Well, shouldn’t we be able to look at them so we can be sure we don’t do any of them?” Alice asked.
    “The little tart has a point,” said the White King.
    The Red Queen sighed dramatically. “Very well,” she said, flipping open the book. “This travesty here is called the
Open Fire Hydrant
.”
    It was, indeed, and appropriate name for it.
    “And this is,
Camel In Repose
.”
    “I can sort of see the repose action,” Alice said, squinting, “but I don’t understand the camel reference.”
    “It refers to the hump, dear,” said the White Queen. “There is also a two humped camel variation.”
    “Also forbidden,” the Red Queen snapped. “And look at this nasty one;
The Leaky Faucet
. Just look at that mess they’re making.”
    “Delightful,” the Red King said, though he said it in a very sad way.
    The Red Queen seemed not to hear her husband. “Check out this abomination,
The Spinning Noodle
. I don’t see how that is even possible unless both partners are double jointed.”
    Alice wasn’t sure it was possible either, but the explicit pictures were making her ache with desire. She wondered if it would be rude if she were to touch herself.
    “Show her
Reverse Layup with Happy Ending
,” suggested the Red King.
    “How about
ER Visit
?” suggested the White. “That one is quite a challenge.”
    “We should stop this,” said the Red Queen, her face getting brighter than her outfit. “I have not approved those positions. And fantasizing about them is off limits, too.”
    “Even fantasy is forbidden?” Alice asked. The Red Queen had mentioned that before, but Alice still found the idea shocking.
    “I have forbidden everything I am uncomfortable with or don’t understand,” said the Red Queen. “Tolerance is a slippery slope to debauchery. Why, we wouldn’t want people strutting about, making love in any perverted way they please, would we?” she asked the other royals.
    They grumbled a non-coherent reply.
    “Am I allowed to touch myself?” Alice asked, her fingers eagerly anticipating the answer.
    “Yes, of course you are,” the Red Queen said. “But only in bed at night, with all the lights out, and not for more than eight seconds.”
    “Eight seconds?” Alice said. “But, that’s not long enough!”
    “That’s all I need,” said the Red King, even though he was touching himself right that moment and had been doing so for far longer than eight seconds.
    Alice was just about to point that out, when the White Queen gasped.
    “Oh, my!” she said, walking to the window and peering outside. “Whatever shall we do?”
    The Red Queen’s attention snapped around. “What’s wrong?” she demanded.
    “I think there’s a problem in the courtyard, Red Queen. I believe they are all too bored to continue making love.”
    “Take care of it.”
    “As you wish,” said the White Queen and peeled off her bra, unleashing a very attractive pair of breasts with long, erect nipples.
    “Not that way,” said the Red Queen. “You are far too much of a slut, White Queen. If it were up to you, all manner of fantasies and positions would be allowed, and then where would we