Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

White Queen had just slathered Alice’s sex trigger with a good, fat lick of ecstasy when a voice cut the room.
    “This is NOT an approved position!”
    The White Queen fell back on her haunches. The Red King pulled out of Alice’s special place. The White King reluctantly gave her nipples one last tweak, and then they left Alice to face the Red Queen’s wrath.
    “Leave this party at once!” she shouted.
    Alice cowered away. “I’m so ever sorry, Your Highness.”
    “Don’t
sorry
me. I was going to invite you to our very proper party, only to discover that you—with those perky nipples and shaved special place—are a troublemaker. To the courtyard with you! There you will learn the simple joys of
Missionary While Cross Stitching
and
Missionary With Eyes Closed Hoping It Ends Soon.
”
    “But the mirror is my only way back home,” Alice said, backing up. Although if she was honest, she didn’t want to go home, not just that minute. She wanted The Red King to be thrusting inside her, and the White Queen to be licking her, and the White King to anoint her nipples with his essence. But of course, she couldn’t say any of that to the Red Queen.
    “To the courtyard, or I will have you arrested and taken to the HDO!”
    The two kings and the White Queen gasped in unison.
    Alice didn’t like the sound of that, whatever it was. So naked and aroused and totally unsatisfied, she dashed from the room.

Chapter 2
The Garden of Live Flowers
    Alice raced through the house, not wanting to be arrested. Not that she was all that excited about going to the courtyard where only the missionary position was allowed, but Alice feared what would happen if she disobeyed the fearsome Red Queen, whom Alice feared quite fearily. Fear fear fear!
    So for the courtyard she ran, seeing the patio door in the distance, and tripping over a book that had been placed conveniently in the middle of the floor for the purposes of this plot. Rubbing a stubbed toe, Alice picked up the doorstopper of a tome, cursing that the royals in this house still hadn’t adopted ebooks, which wouldn’t have stubbed her toe nearly as bad, or even at all. On the cover of the book was a strange word in a language Alice didn’t know.
YKCOCREBBAJ
    She puzzled over this until she realized, “Duh! It’s a looking glass book! If I hold it up to a mirror, I can read it the right way!”
    But Alice didn’t even attempt it, because upon opening the book she saw lines of prose that looks suspiciously like quatrains and stanzas, which meant it was a book of poetry.
    Alice despised poetry. She found it to be the most self-indulgent, most useless, most boring type of art. She’d rather watch a meth-addled performance artist scream incoherently about Martians while throwing rotten eggs at the audience than read poetry. Especially old poetry, and the copyright on this book said 1871. That sealed the deal that she would never, never, never, no way, no how, read this poetry book, because everyone knows nothing worthwhile was written before 1970, which was when Judy Blume released
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
. Everything prior to that was boring and stuffy and full of itself.
    “I’m not going to read this,” Alice said. “Never, never, never, no way, no how.”
    Then she opened it up and held it up to a mirror and began to read. After all, how was Alice supposed to open her mind, as the White Queen said, when she refused to even open a book?
JABBERCOCKY
’Twas horcky in the HDO,

Beased so long they mersycried,

Empty was the bordello,

Tolerance had up and died.
Beware the Jabbercock, my girl!

The pole that jabs the secret patch!

Torment shall make her toesies curl,

She was so shunned, they bandersnatch.
A soul condemned to face the beast,

By missionench, so crimson mean,

But pleasure fiftyfold increased,

Made her then the Golden Queen.
The Jabbercock shall masturbate,

Poor Golden Queen with fiendish chode,

But she shall rise and liberate,

And jabbing pole shall overload!
One, two! One, two! And through and through

Until the machilit the smoke,

The souls condemned, they came and flew,

While Golden Queen BJ’ed her bloke.
Freedom rang in Kingdom high!

Snowballing and hot bukkake!

Gokkun, felching, and creampie!

Queen shall wed the panty jockey!
’Twas horcky in the HDO,

Beased so long they mersycried,

Empty was the bordello,

Tolerance had up and died.
    “Well,” Alice said. “That was awful.”
    She tossed the book aside. Not