Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

be?”
    “Having fun?” muttered the Red King.
    “Tolerant of others?” whispered the White King.
    “Harrumph!” sputtered the Red Queen. “We need order in Looking Glass Land. Only with order can we have conformity, and conformity, as we all know, is the only path to happiness. I’ll have to take care of things myself.”
    And so she stormed out of the room, leaving Alice and the others with the book.
    The White Queen sidled up to Alice, her breasts still bare, one nipple brushing lightly against Alice’s. “While she’s gone, let us look at more of the fun positions.”
    She stared flipping through the book, while the kings ogled and stroked.
    “What’s that position called?” Alice asked, pointing.
    “
Agonizing Cramps
.”
    “And that one with the one man and two young women?”
    “
Impending Divorce
.”
    “What are those three people doing?”
    “
Knot of Rectums
.”
    “And that single man, in the corner?”
    “
Frightened Virgin
.”
    “What’s that one called, where she has her legs up over his shoulders and her arms behind her in a twist?”
    “
Quadriplegia
.”
    “How about this one, where he puts it in her bottom while hitting her in the back with a rotten fish and calling her vulgar names in French?”
    “
Joyful Sunset
.”
    “And that woman on her knees, surrounded by eight men touching themselves?”
    “
Emergency Trip To The Hairdresser
.”
    “How about that man who has two other men in his hands?”
    “
Carpal Tunnel
.”
    “That woman over there, eating pie?”
    “That’s an ad for Weight Watchers, dear.”
    “Oh. How about those five old men, with all the girls climbing on them?”
    “
Aerosmith
.”
    “There certainly are a lot of banned positions,” Alice said. “How about this girl held upside down on the table, all greased up with lard?”
    “
Impending Lawsuit
.”
    “The man who has the rope around his neck while he’s touching himself?”
    “
Cautionary Tale
. It’s also known as
Dead on Arrival
and
Twitter Meme
.”
    “How about that woman with her whole fist in her mouth?”
    “I have no idea,” said the White Queen. She turned to the White King. “Do you know the name of this position?”
    “Can’t say I do, but her boyfriend is one lucky bastard.”
    The White Queen turned to a new picture, a position like Alice had never imagined in her wildest dreams.
    “I can’t believe THAT!” said Alice.
    “Can’t you?” the White Queen said in a pitying tone. “Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.”
    Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said: “one
can’t
make love in such an impossible position.”
    “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the White Queen. “When I was your age, I always did that for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I tried as many as six impossible sex positions before breakfast.”
    Alice studied the photo again. She’d have to think about that, and even as she did, standing there with the kings and queen, she could feel the ache between her legs grow stronger.
    “If I were you, dear, I’d get out of here while she’s gone.”
    Alice snapped out of her reverie. “Gone? Who?”
    “The Red Queen,” said the Red King.
    The White Queen nodded. “We’re having a swinging party, and you don’t want to be part.”
    “A swinging party?” Alice said. She glanced around the room but saw no swings. Perhaps they were in the garden. “I love parties.”
    “Not this one, you won’t,” said the White King with a sigh.
    “Why not? Are the swings outside?”
    “There are no swings, dear, although sex swings are delightful fun.”
    “Yes, they are,” said the Red King with a sigh.
    “How do you have a swinging party with no swings?”
    “A swinging party, my dear, is a party where couples gather and have sex with other couples.”
    Well Alice wasn’t a couple, not since she broke up with Lewis, but the idea of the swinging party sounded naughtily enchanting. “And I can’t join, because I’m not part of a couple?”
    “Oh, you can join,” said the Red King.
    “We’d love to have you join,” said the White King.
    “It would be wonderful to have you, my dear,” said the White Queen. “Attractive and charming women such as yourself are welcome at virtually any swinger’s party. You don’t need to be part of a couple.”
    “I find the three of you to be attractive and charming, too. So why shouldn’t I love
this
swinger’s party?”
    “Because my dear, at a