Forget Me Never

the next train to Bournemouth. 10.25 – that wasn’t such a long wait. I found a bench and sat and watched people go by. Like all the big London stations, Waterloo was large and airy, sunlight beaming down through the glass roof. I’d read a news story once about a man and a woman bumping into each other here on consecutive weeks; those coincidental meetings had grown into a relationship, and a year later the man had proposed right here where I was sitting, outside M&S. It seemed dead weird that your life could change just like that – that amazing things really could happen when you least expected.
    I wondered how Danielle’s life would have been different if she hadn’t met Aiden. She’d be alive, for one thing, and being alive meant anything was possible.
    After a few minutes my train pulled into the platform. I’d bought my ticket already so I went straight through the barriers and walked down the platform to the furthest carriage; more chance of being alone.
    I wasn’t sure what I was hoping to achieve. Last night I’d gone over all my options, feeling increasingly helpless. There wasn’t much I could do by myself. Aiden and Cherie would be on their guard, so my more daring ideas – following them about, somehow hacking into their Facebook accounts – were out. I knew other people were in on this, but I had no way of knowing who they were. Going to Bournemouth to retrace Danielle’s last steps was the only thing I could think of.
    I found myself a seat with a table and dumped my backpack on the seat next to me. As I got comfortable a giggly couple in their twenties got on and sat nearby, snuggling up together. I watched, wondering how it was possible to be so at ease with another person. They were so wrapped up in each other that I didn’t think they’d noticed me.
    I like you. I’ve liked you for ages. Reece’s words were playing around in my head. I took out my phone and opened a photo of us taken at the Christmas funfair at Alexandra Palace. I was bundled up in a scarf and hat, but Reece, who I always joked was impervious to the cold, hadn’t even bothered buttoning up his coat – we made a funny-looking pair, especially as it was starting to snow. The photo wasn’t the greatest – I’d taken it myself, holding the phone at arm’s length – but it brought back that day. I hadnt really been feeling happy I was far from OK – but I’d started to believe I could be one day. I’d felt so close to Reece, for the first time properly appreciating how he’d stuck by me. How had things got so complicated between us?
    I didn’t know why I was finding it so hard to take in. When I thought about it, I’d always been the one to joke that we were just good friends. Most girls would be delighted to have Reece as a boyfriend. So why did I feel like I wanted to run away? And why did I find it so hard to believe a boy could like me in that way? I wanted to apologize, but as I tried to compose a text I realized I had no idea what to say.
    Perhaps I needed to get my own head sorted out before I thought about Reece. I knew I’d hurt him – but at the same time, how unfair to blame me for putting Neve and Effie in danger. OK, so if Reece hadn’t helped me look into Danielle’s death nothing would have happened, but I’d never forced him to take risks on my behalf. In fact I’d cautioned him against it. He just couldn’t bear to take responsibility, because doing that would make him feel he’d failed to look after them – and that he’d let down his dad.
    Being angry with Reece didn’t stop me feeling awful though. I should have handled him more sensitively. And maybe I should have told him the truth . . .
    I’d been in two minds about going to Paloma’s party. It seemed so unimportant after Dani’s death. But I knew I ought to show. Paloma was nicer to me than anyone else at Broom Hill and I didn’t want to push her away. Besides, I knew she’d invited Reece, so I’d have someone to talk to. I’d missed him too – thanks to his school play, we hadn’t seen each other much over the past few weeks.
    I spent longer than usual getting ready. I see-sawed between different outfits and eventually messaged Paloma to ask her opinion. She replied:
U tryin 2 impress Reece? ;-)
    I didn’t respond to that. I thought a few days back to the evening of Reece’s school play. What he’d said about ‘looking the part’ had been really annoying and made me feel self-conscious, because I had been