Ghost Time

DECEMBER 25, 2010
    (FOUR MONTHS EARLIER)
    8:53 PM
    Karen wanted a picture. That’s what she asked for for Christmas, one of my drawings or a photo. It freaked me out, too, because Karen used to own a famous frame shop in Los Angeles, like she knows Sally Mann—she’s framed Sally Mann’s photographs, okay? If that wasn’t bad enough, when Karen invited us over for Christmas, I didn’t know what to say, because, well, for one thing, she’d already had us over for Thanksgiving, and it’s not like I wanted to have them over to our place, because we wouldn’t all fit for starters. So when Karen said, Thea, I was hoping you, your mom, and Raymond could join us for Christmas brunch, I looked at her like, Eeesh, not so sure about that. Because Karen knows how I feel about Raymond. I mean, I haven’t told her everything, but she knows.
    It was about two weeks before Christmas, and we were in her little shop—that’s what she calls the back room, off the patio.She’s set up in there, and the room’s just big enough for framing, and I went over one day, when Cam was out, skating, so we could work on framing the pictures I was giving him. We were choosing mattes, and then she said, Thea, I called and invited your mom and Raymond for Christmas, holding up one of the pictures I’d chosen for my mom, and my face fell.
    For a moment, I felt really annoyed with her, too. Because she knew how I felt, and she invited Ray anyway. What’s that look? she asked, smiling in that motherly way like she was about to reprimand me, but it wouldn’t hurt too much, because I’d see the wisdom of it. She goes, I know you don’t understand, and I said, You’re right, I don’t. I mean, I’m sorry, but I can’t stand the guy, how he treats my mom, and he makes things so much worse with her, and whatever. I didn’t want Ray there, period, and it was the first time I’d had a really hard time talking to Karen, and she goes, Thea, it’s Christmas, and it’s the right thing to do. I go, Karen, trust me, there’s nothing right about Ray, whatever day of the year, and she goes, It’ll be easier on your mother, and then we heard the front door open in the house. Cam was back. I just stared at the ground, not sure what to say.
    You don’t want him here that badly? she asked, sighing, covering the photographs I’d brought. I go, Honestly, no, I don’t want him here that badly, and her face fell. I go, I’m not a bad person because I don’t want him in my life or my mom’s life, and because I don’t want to spend Christmas with Raymond, playing nice because it’s Christmas, I said, feeling my throat swell. Now my boyfriend’s mom would know I was not this sweet girl, you know? Listen, she said, grabbing my hand, taking it in hers.Karen said, Thea, all I’m saying is there are times we have to take the high road, and I think this is one of those times. If you don’t want him here, all right. It’s your choice, she said, and I stared at the ground, then Cam walked in, and he had this look, like, Whoa, what’s going on? Because he could see we were in the middle of something.
    I told him about it on the way home, but he’s like Karen. Meaning, they’re bigger people than I am, I guess. Seriously, it was so painful at Thanksgiving, watching Ray looking at Karen’s artwork with that buffoon look on his face, like, WTF, dude, this looks like scribbles, my nephew could do that…. So when I got home that night, I almost said something to my mom, too, telling her Ray wasn’t invited, so if she didn’t want to go to Karen’s house on Christmas, that was her decision. But then, looking at her, sitting at the table, taking out the few ornaments that were light enough to hang on the Charlie Brown fake tree we put up in the living room, I couldn’t. Because she was smiling, and I didn’t see her look that way much anymore.
    Christmas Day, Ray picked us up, and we drove over at noon, but the whole way, I was trying to steel my mind. Telling myself, You’re not going to snap. You’re not going to roll your eyes. And you’re not going to let Rain Man piss you off and make a scene in Karen’s house, because this is her house, and you love her, and you are going to behave. Whether anyone knows it or not, I thought, this is my gift to you all. So I hope you love it, because it might be the last time ever.
    It was fine. Really, it wasn’t great, but it was fine. The food was amazing, and Karen and my mom were laughing,