Ghost Time

looking around, and Cam said, Something I want to show you. Two minutes, he said, seeing the look on my face, because I’m not really into the woods. Two, he said, holding up both fingers. That’s all I ask, he said, and then I opened my door, getting out of the car. I followed him down the path, and there was a view of the river.
    We walked for about five minutes, and then he stopped, finally. This is it, he said, opening his arms to the view, and I go, This is what you wanted to show me? And he said, I thought you might want to sit and draw for a while. Sit and draw, I repeated, and he goes, I thought you might want to draw something besides men in tights, he said, because I’d been doing all these silly drawings of famous men modeling for American Apparel ads, spoofing, whatever. I said, Why on earth would you think such a thing? He goes, You want to go back? And I shook my head no; We’re here now, I said. You want to keep walking? he asked, and I nodded, fine. Is that a yes? he said, and I smiled: Yes, I said.
    Just over there, he said, pointing at a clearing, down a hill, and then up a couple hundred yards. Up for it? he asked. Okay, I said, following closer behind him, as we made our way down the hill, grabbing old branches to steady myself. We made it all the way across what must’ve been a dry riverbed, and just then,I stepped on a patch of wet leaves, and just as I slipped, there were his hands. You okay? he said, holding on, and his grip was so strong. He’s so thin, I never thought about how strong he is. Yeah, I’m fine, thanks, I said, pulling away. But then he didn’t let go of my hand, and everything changed in that moment, seeing the way he looked at me.
    What I remember most was that I had the craziest thought in my head—even for me, it was crazy. Because I remember thinking, He loves me. And he’s always loved me. Like I said, crazy, even by my standards. Really, I met this guy a couple weeks ago and didn’t know him from Adam, but in that moment, I kept thinking, How do I know you? Why do I feel like I’ve met you before? And I knew I loved him, that I’d always loved him, too. Seriously, for the first time in my life, I thought, Wow, I am truly nuts, aren’t I? You okay? he asked, and I said, yeah, fine—thanks, pulling away, looking away as quick as I could. He saw it, though—I could tell he’d read it in my eyes. I think that was the first time it ever really occurred to me how many ways there are to be naked in front of someone. I’m fine, I said, almost snapping at him, caught red-handed.
    It’s there, he said, pointing at an overlook with a couple dry boulders about a hundred feet ahead. All right? Yeah, I’m fine, I said, brushing off my hands, because I didn’t what else to do with them. This is it, he said, taking a seat, and I sat down beside him. The rocks were warm; it felt good, as good as I’d imagined, even. So we sat down and stretched out our arms and legs, like we were making snow angels without snow. Sunset angels, I don’t knowwhat you’d call them, but they were ours to make. Staring at the sky, I couldn’t help imagining the vantage point the trees had, looking down on us, the striped shadows their branches cast.
    I have something for you, Cam said, sitting up, scooching himself back a bit, reaching in his bag, pulling out a small box. What is it? I said, sitting up beside him.
    Open it and find out, he said, laughing at me, like, drrr. So I opened it, wishing he’d quit staring at me, but so grateful he didn’t, and then I took out a tiny box, turning it around to face me. I made it, he said, opening the box, and then he removed a pinhole camera. Thought you might be inspired, he said, but I stared at the camera, not sure what to do. I made it for you, he said, waiting for me to take it, to say something, at least. I don’t know what to say, I said, taking it, furrowing my brow. Not because I didn’t like it; but because I couldn’t remember the last time anyone made anything for me.
    Take some pictures for me, and we’ll be even, Cam said, and at that moment, I wanted him to take it back. I wanted to tell him, Listen, don’t give me anything. It’s just something more I couldn’t stand to lose. Then he shook his head no, just shook his head, looking at me, like, You crazy girl, you don’t understand anything I’m trying to tell you, do you? It’s a gift, he said. Even if you don’t take it, it’ll still be a gift. Thank you, I said,