Ghost Time

got worse, the hallucinations, whatever, until he was diagnosed as schizophrenic.
    He was about my dad’s age, and he was really handsome, too, David. I remember seeing him sitting in a chair, alone, at the back of the room, during the big party. I stopped to look at him, and I was young enough, it didn’t occur to me how rude I was being, staring. I couldn’t help it, though, because I thought, He doesn’t look any crazier than anybody else , and then, right on cue, David smiled and curled his finger for me to come over to him. So I walked over, and he goes, You’re Thea, aren’t you? I nodded yes, then he goes, Do you want to hear a secret? And I did—ohmygod, I wanted to hear a secret so badly, because I knew he must have some really good secrets, because crazy people always do, right? I nodded, so serious, and I said, Yes, and then he cupped his hand, leaning over to whisper in my ear, and he goes: There are angels all around you. Did you know that?
    I remember opening my eyes wide, because I believed him, and I started looking all around for them. And the thing is, he’s all dressed up, and he was so handsome, but I knew he was living in some completely different reality from the rest of us—kids can tell, you know? Then he leaned toward me, and he said: Thea, I’ve been watching you all night, and the angels have been following you everywhere, he said, running his index and middle finger all over the room, and then, out of nowhere, my dad swooped in.Dad goes, Is Thea giving you any trouble? leaning over, smiling at me. And I could tell my dad was afraid, but I had so many questions I wanted to ask David, because I’d never met anyone who could see angels, I said, looking up. Then Cam tucked my hair behind my ear and I felt so close to him, like we shared our skin. I said, Maybe it’s silly, but I think we can become our own ghosts, when we stop living in the present, when we can’t let go of the past. I don’t know what that has to do with David, exactly, but I think he knew. Because I think all the angels and ghosts he saw, I think they told him things, secret things, and he got stuck in between now and then. I said, But see, that’s the difference between kids and adults. Because adults look at that, and they say, How could there be angels and ghosts? Kids look at that like, How could there not be angels and ghosts?
    Cam hugged me, and I laid my head on his chest, while he stroked the inside of my bare arm with one hand. It was so calming in a way, but at the same time, I could feel his hand running over all my scars, reminding me how strange my skin must feel to the touch. Just then, he said, Shhh, like he could read my mind, and I couldn’t help grinning, hiding my face, because I think he did.
    I don’t talk about the hospital much, not even with Cam, really, even though he knows the whole story, but I did then. I said, You know I thought about David a lot for those months when I was in the hospital, because I was where he was. I mean, we weren’t in the same hospital, but I felt like I was in the same position he must have been in for all those years. And because I hadn’t heard anyone mention him in so long, I had to wonder ifhe ever got better, or if he ever got out. Because I was so afraid I wouldn’t get better, that I’d never get out, I said, looking up, realizing I was talking about the hospital, not even thinking about it. Cam never talks about his dad, and I never talked about the hospital, but looking at him, I knew he would let me tell him as much as I wanted, or as little. I wanted him to know everything about me, but at that moment, all I could say was, Isn’t a ghost just someone trapped between two worlds? But Cam just smiled, looking at me for the longest time.

FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2011
    (EIGHTEEN DAYS LATER)
    2:51 PM
    Knox called Friday afternoon, right in the middle of class. And because of my special circumstances , as Principal Cheswick called it, I was allowed to keep my phone on vibrate in all my classes. So I was sitting in seventh period, when my phone started buzzing, and of course, soon as I saw the number, my heart stopped. All I could think of was Cam, that they’d found him, or—I don’t know. Because the thought stopped there. Like it just cut off. The idea of him… the thought of Cam being dead, it, it’s not possible. Hurt or in a hospital, maybe. That was as far as I could go. Because I’d know if something happened. I can’t explain it, but I